Wrong Name Fiasco by Kim
Summary: Josh makes a serious boo boo in his love life and tries to
explain it all to Sam.
Spoilers: Nothing of extreme consequence. This takes place during
the Bartlet for President campaign.
Disclaimers: They're not mine, they're not mine. La, la, la!
Humph...I don't want them anyway. Denial works wonders for me.
Notes: I've been subscribed to the list (be it under another e-mail
address) for a while now. You guys rock! This is my first posting.
Feedback is oh so very welcomed. :) I wrote this after wondering
for a very long time what was the cause of Josh and Mandy's breakup.
This is my little fantasyland take on it. I don' t know yet if I'll
continue this story in another installment. We'll see if I'm
inspired later on. :)
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I am a complete jackass.
Yes, you heard me right. Note this down somewhere because I don't say
it often. I, Josh Lyman, am a complete and utter jackass.
It's 4am. I'm sitting alone in the conference room of the Bartlet
for America, LA headquarters. I don't know how long I've been
sitting here. I just had to get out of that hotel room. Had to get
away from the scene of the crime. Well, perhaps not a crime. I'll
just call it the, "Wrong Name Fiasco."
Mandy left. I can't blame her. She was already planning on leaving
tomorrow. Well, I guess today. I hope she's okay. I hope she got an
earlier flight back to DC. There wasn't much I could do to stop her.
Determination is her greatest personality trait and she was
determined to get away from me.
I'm slime. I've moved on from jackass. Now I'm also slime.
"Josh?"
Can't we just leave the slime alone in peace? "Yeah?"
"Josh, you're sitting in the complete dark."
"Thank you Sam. I wasn't aware of the lack of light in here. I
appreciate you pointing that out. What do you want?"
"You're the one sitting in a dark conference room at 4am. I'm
thinking I should be asking the questions here."
He walks in and flips on the overhead light. I squint my eyes until
my pupils get use to the brightness. "Can't a guy just hang out at a
campaign office at 4am? Why must there be questions involved?"
"Did Mandy kick you out?"
"No!" Well, she didn't. It's not like I'm lying.
"What did you do wrong?"
"Nothing!" Okay, so let's add liar to the list after jackass and
slime.
He lets out a sigh and shrugs his shoulders. "All right then. If
you don't want to tell me what you've done now to screw up then I'm
just gonna go. It's 7am on the East coast. I've gotta grab the
wires and call Toby."
Sam turns around and doesn't move. He knows I'm going to stop him.
He's my best friend and he's just as full of himself as I am. "I'm
an idiot, Sam."
He turns around and grins. "Just let me go grab a bagel and some
coffee. I want to get comfortable before I hear this one."
"Sam! Sit down!"
"Okey dokey."
Sam takes a seat across the conference table from me. I look at him
and I look back at the table. I think for a few moments and sigh. I
look back up and Sam has giddy anticipation building in his eyes. I
put my focus back down on the table.
"Josh!"
"Uh-huh?"
"Some time before election day."
Oh God, Election Day. I'll probably have to see Mandy on Election
Day. I'll probably have to see her before Election Day. Not to
mention that in approximately 4 hours I'll have to see-
"Hey Josh! Still waiting."
"Okay. Okay. So, tonight Mandy and I were in bed and-."
"Oh, you know….do we have to discuss-"
"Sam?"
"I'm just saying it would be great if we could skip over the sex part
and just get to the part where Mandy yells at you and kicks you out."
"She didn't kick me out. And if you want to hear what happened then
you're going to have to deal with the sex part. We were in the
middle of…it… and I…I, well…I…. I wasn't really paying attention.
Well, of course I was paying attention. But, you know, I was just
sort of not…..you see, I guess I must have- Oh God! I wasn't
actually aware that I-"
"Would you spit it out? As a speechwriter and as a, you know, sane
person, you're killing me. What did you do?"
"I said someone else's name."
"You did what?"
"I referred to her as someone that, in fact, she wasn't."
"And you're still alive?"
"Sam! A little compassion might help here."
"You want compassion? You called your girlfriend by someone else's
name while having sex with her and you want compassion? You, my
friend, are a jackass."
"I'm aware of this."
"One may even call you slime."
"I already have. Thank you Sam."
We're silent for a few moments. Sam looks like he's deep in
thought. Maybe he's thinking of some great plan for me to get myself
out of this situation. His eyes light up. That's my boy! Always
coming through for his buddy Josh.
"Whose name did you say?"
That's not exactly what I was going for. "Okay, so I'm thinking this
conversation is over. Thank you for listening to me. You're a good
friend. Now go away!"
"Oh no!"
"Sam, go read the wires. For all we know there's a report out today
saying the governors points have gone done by 5."
"If that had happened Leo would have called both of us hours ago."
I hate it when he's right. He is no longer my boy.
"I'm either going to get it out of you now or get it out of you later
tonight after you've had a grand total of 3 beers. You fight with
Mandy, you go get drunk, and you show up outside my hotel room
singing Barry Manilow songs. By the way, I'd really appreciate it if
you learned more than once verse of `Mandy.'"
"That was one time." He gives me a look as if I'm completely
insane. "Okay, maybe twice."
"Four times in the last month."
Did I mention I hate it when he's right?
"We're getting off track, Josh."
"Donna."
"Donna?"
"I called her…. I called her Donna."
"Donna?"
"Yes"
"Donna as in your younger than you, just started working for you a
couple months ago, assistant Donna?"
"Yes."
"That Donna?"
"Could you please stop saying her name?"
"I think me saying her name should be the least of your worries."
"I know this."
"What did Mandy do?"
"She left."
"She left the room?"
"No, she apparently left the state. She went back to DC."
"She was leaving today anyway. She just got an earlier flight. Maybe
she's not even that mad."
"Oh, no. She was mad."
"Did she hit you?"
"Sam, please. No, she didn't hit me."
"I'm just saying, the girl has been known to have a temper."
"Which I'm very aware of. She was mad but she didn't yell at me. She
usually yells and lectures me for hours on end. She was silent
tonight, Sam. She got her stuff and just walked out. As she was
leaving the room she said she was getting a flight back to DC and she
never wanted to speak to me again."
"Wow! That's so not Mandy. Usually there's at least a drawn out
fight involving the throwing of a paper weight"
"Exactly. It all leads me to think one thing."
"What?"
"She meant it. She's leaving me and it's really over."
"Josh, you've been saying for the last month that you thought it was
over. It was just up to one of you to end it."
"Well, she ended it tonight."
"No Josh, you're the one who ended it."
I take in for a few moments what he's just said to me. Consciously
or subconsciously I did end this relationship with Mandy. I wanted
to end it and this is the way I chose to do it. Sam's right. It's a
pretty crappy way to break up with someone but it's the way I chose.
"You know, I hate it when you're right."
He smiles. "Get use to disappointment."
"I think I'm starting to already."
Sam stands up and I decide to get up too. Sitting in that chair for
hours has done horrors for my back.
"So what are you going to do now?" He asks.
"I don't know. Hope she'll accept my phone calls and maybe we can
break up like civil human beings."
"Mandy doesn't do anything like a civil human being. However, I also
meant what are you going to do about your other situation."
I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. "I don't know.
Until about 4 hours ago I didn't even know I had another situation."
"You've got yourself a situation whether you like it or not." He
heads towards the door. "I'm going to read the wires before Toby
calls from New York to chew my ear off. Then I'm going to find the
nearest mall."
"Why are you going to the mall?"
"So I can go to a record store. I'm buying you a Ritchie Valens CD.
If we're entering the `Oh Donna' stage then I'm making sure you know
all the words to the song when you show up at my hotel room drunk."
"That's not happening again Sam. Last time you threw me into the
bathtub and left me there until noon the next day. I've learned my
lesson."
"Yeah, maybe you have. Actually, I don't think you'll be showing up
at my room drunk tonight. I think someone else has that honor from
now on. An honor I'm happy to pass on."
"Go away before I call Toby and tell him you're not doing your job."
He walks out of the room and I'm once again left alone. However, now
I'm a little clearer on what to do with Mandy. I'll call her in a
couple hours. She should be in DC by then. She may be hurt at the
moment and she may want to kill me. However, she knew this wasn't
going to last. Hopefully we can end this on a peaceful note.
I also have this new situation, as Sam called it, to deal with.
Something I want to put far, far back in my mind. I can't though.
As much as I want to, the thought of it, the thought of her just
makes me smile inside. What have gotten myself into now?
I am a complete jackass.