Treading Water
By Ginny Kinneman
Summary-A glimpse inside the mind of Jed Barlet at various points during "The
War at Home" This isn't a direct sequel to "Thoughts of a Future Statesman"
but it would probably help to read that first.
Chapter 1-Smoking
I know I shouldn't be out here right now. Not at midnight, in February,
without my coat and certainly not with the cigarette I'm holding in my hand.
So I smoke 2 a day, sue me. But I have been told that I'm not allowed to
smoke inside anymore. Something about putting a hole in some antique,
whatever. So here I am, in the cold.
I can't believe the State of the Union was only 3 hours ago. It seems like 3
days ago. So much has happened, the black mark on Jack Sloan's record has
been uncovered, not quite sure how we missed that one, Abbey's pissed at me,
I have a pretty good feeling why and 5 DEA agents are somewhere in the
jungles of Colombia, waiting on a move from me to insure their safe return to
American soil.
Sometimes I wish I could just go back. All the way back, to a simpler time.
Right at this moment I would even go back all the way to Sister Marie's
kindergarten and learn the fine art of shoe tying all over again. But no use
wishing, I am, afterall, the President of the United States and my shoes are
tied. But I get the feeling my hands are about to be tied also.
I hear the door behind me open. I contemplate flicking the cigarette out
into the bushes but with my luck I would set them on fire. I glance over my
shoulder and see Leo walking over. He knows my nasty habit so I don't even
try to hide it.
It must be time to go back in.
I send up a silent prayer for guidance as I put the cigarette in the ashtray.
Chapter 2-Chess
OK, so maybe a game of chess with myself is a little strange. And the fact
that I am doing it outside, in February, during the wee hours of the morning.
What can I say, I'm a geek. And proud of it.
Leo got cold and went home. But not before mapping out my next 6 moves for
me. I hope he knows I appreciate him helping me out with my moves and I'm
not just talking about the chess game.
I don't know what I would have done without him tonight. The respect I have
for him is enormous. He's seen things I can't even imagine and yet he's
still able to distance himself from the situation and help me make sane
choices.
The troops have been sent and all there is to do now is to wait. God, I hate
waiting. For anything, good or bad.
I think I'll give up on the game. No matter what I do, either way I win.
If only that were true in life.
Chapter 3-Focus
I don't even look back as I leave the bedroom and head back to the Oval
Office. I want to put distance between Abbey and I before one, or both of
us, says something really stupid.
"Focus"
Abbey kept saying that to me. She wouldn't even fight with me. She was too
worried I wouldn't be able to focus on Colombia. I can focus on plenty of
things at once. And she knows that.
Jackass.
I can't believe she called me that. Oh, it's certainly not the first time
and I'm sure it's not the last. I know she's just worried about me and the
level of stress I am under at the moment. So she doesn't want to add to it
by fighting about the "deal" we had. The deal was 3 years ago. Things
change.
The deal...we can fight about that later. Right now I should focus, on
Colombia.
Chapter 4-The Deal
I didn't even kiss her good-bye. I told her I loved her but I never made a
move to touch her. And that was wrong. I wish I could change that. But I
can't so I'll just sit here in the residence for a while. Charlie knows
where I am if I'm needed.
So, I guess now we have officially had the fight about our deal. The deal
that I made 3 years ago, the one where I promised not to seek a second term.
In exchange for that she would stand by my decision not to go public with my
condition.
My condition...even now I still having trouble saying the words..
Multiple Sclerosis.
She's right and I know it. If the disease is going to progress from
relapsing/remitting it will likely do so in the first 10 years after
diagnosis. Ten years will be up two years from now.
But I've been fine, one episode in 2 years. I know keeping this a secret is
hard on her. It's hard on me but I think I've let it stay hidden to long to
come clean now. Maybe someday I will tell the truth. Maybe when I approach
the status of statesman.
I know, I have to be dead 15 years for that to happen.
She didn't believe me that I wouldn't make the decision about running again
without her. In reality a couple of people seemed to have made the decision
without me. I have a good idea who they are. Leo and Toby. I'll let it drop
for today but believe me I will be talking to them soon enough about this.
But for now my mind is wandering to more important things. The 9 soldiers
who's proverbial blood is on my hands. The 5 who are still being held and
the nation that is at the moment blissfully unaware. All that will be
changing soon.
Chapter 5-Coffins
I glance out at the plane as the limo creeps along the tarmac. The rear door
is opening and they are preparing to take the coffins off the plane. I know
I made the right decision coming here. I'm glad I was able to persuade Leo
to go home and get some rest. He agreed not to come when Mickey volunteered
to join me.
It's 4:30 AM and I'm tired. I haven't been this tired in months.
An agent opens the door and Mickey and I climb out into the crisp, OK,
freezing, night air.
We stand, side by side, as the coffins are lowered down, one by one. They
all stop in front of us and turn. Now I know why I had the vision of the
coffins from Vietnam in my head earlier. Foreshadowing, plain and simple.
As I turn to go back to the limo I think of all the things these brave young
men never got a chance to do. It makes all I've done in my life seem less
important somehow. These men made the ultimate sacrifice for this country.
This country I am honored to have led, for how ever many years. Suddenly a
second term becomes both more desirable and less desirable all at the same
time.
More desirable in that maybe during a second term I can actually do something
to win the war on drugs.
Less desirable in that my health and the state of my own union with Abbey may
not survive another 4 years. And that would be too big of a price to pay.
So when Abbey gets back we will sit down and talk, really talk. And I will
listen to her, not only as my wife but as a doctor. Nothing in the world is
worth losing her over. We have been through too much to throw it all away.
All I want to do is get back home and sleep. But the story has broken and I
think sleep will have to wait. But a phone call to Abbey is first on my
schedule when I get back.
I need to apologize for not kissing her earlier. I need to hear her voice,
telling me to focus.
THE END