SUMMARY: A friend helps Josh find the way.

SPOILERS: I'm not good at this, so I guess everything
until now.

DISCLAIMER: Aaron Sorkin is king. I am just a
subject in comparison. A very poor subject that does
not deserve to be sued for her small fortune of
$145.39.

NOTES: This was inspired by Del Amitri's "Roll To
Me." Don't ask me how. I have no idea how these
things work.


Shift.

Shift.

Shift. Shift. Swiggle. Shift.

"Joshua Lyman!" CJ practically screams at me. If you
move a muscle one more time, I swear I will snap you
like a twig."

A sheepish grin proceeds to occupy my face. "I'm
sorry," I mumble.

"What's wrong with you?" she inquires, more worried
than angry now.

"Nothing." She continues her work, half-believing me.

It's not like I am lying to her. There is something
bothering me, but the problem is that I don't know how
to describe it.

Have you ever woken up into an epiphany that something
you have been missing from your life has been under
your nose all this time?

That's what happened to me three mornings ago, and
ever since then, I am clueless as to how to approach
this new-found knowledge.

What knowledge, you ask.

Here goes..

I am in love with Donnatella Moss.

Don't seem too surprised. Oh, you're not. Now I'm
surprised. In fact, Sam wasn't either when I came to
him that very same day.

"Hey, Sam," I called out after I knocked on his door.

"Hey, Josh," he waved me in, closing his laptop on the
process. "What's up?"

"I have a thing," I told him.

"Is it a bad thing?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?" he asked. "If you know you
have a thing, you should know if it's good or not."

"Well, I think that's part of why I came here for," I
informed him as I rubbed my eyes in utter frustration.

"Okay" was his only respond, which indicated that I
should elaborate.

"What do you think of Donna?" I blurted out.

"Donna's Donna," he shrugged.

"That's it?"

Sam's trademark confused look took control of his
countenance. "What more did you want me to say?"

"I don't know," I confessed. "What do you think of
her not as her but as someone else?"

"Someone like who?"

"I don't know."

"You know, Josh," Sam hesitated before he continued.
"You're not making any sense at all."

"I know," I let out before I buried my head in my
hands.

"Mind telling me what this really is about?" he
finally asked.

"I had a dream," I started.

"Wow, I think those words are better left for Dr.
King," Sam cut in. "You suck at the whole effect."

"Sam," I said warningly as well as throwing a glare
his way.

He threw his hands in the air. "Fine. fine,
continue," he surrendered.

"I had a dream.." I resumed.

It started with me standing in a dark room. I can't
see anything else but myself. At least the parts of
me that I can see. Like my hands. My legs. My feet.
Everything else was dark. I was alone, and for a
moment, I was okay. Relieved that it wasn't so dark.

Then I started thinking further. Why? Because that's
what I do. I'm a politician. I think. And at that
time, I thought that I wished there were people there.

Then in a blink of an eye, multitudes of people came
rushing from all directions. I had no clue where they
came from, nor did I care. I just felt suffocated and
claustrophobic by the amount of people surrounding me.
Walking by me as if I wasn't there.

So I wished that someone could help me out. Comfort
me. Make me feel okay.

Then there she was. She came out of nowhere and took
me in her arms. All of the sudden, everything was
okay. The people were gone. And all I feel was this
serenity. This contentment.

"..And I woke up feeling the exact same thing," I
finished. I looked at Sam, who had the widest grin
pasted on his face.

"Wow," he finally managed. "And I thought she'd be
the first one to figure it out."

"Figure what out?"

"It," Sam pointed out. "You and her."

"You mean.."

"That everyone thinks that you guys should be
together?" he asked. "I think that was the consensus
since the campaign."

"But Mandy and Joey Lucas.." I pointed out.

"We figure that we let you make your own decisions,"
he shrugged. "But we saw the depth and the tension
between you and Donna."

"So you're saying.."

"That you're in love with her?" he finished for me.
"Absolutely."

"I'm in love with Donna," I repeated.

There I have it. Of course, I don't think of it as
true because Sam told me so. I know it's true,
because once I said it, it felt right. That feeling
from that dream came rushing back to me again, and it
keeps coming back every time I think of Donna and how
I feel about her.

Now my only problem is that I don't know how else to
tell her. If I even plan to do so.

She went on a date tonight. Which is why CJ is
sitting in my office, working on this bill. Donna
would have worked with me, but she somehow conned CJ
into babysitting me to go on a date with..the gomer of
the day, I guess.

Don't get me wrong. That whole speech about her
self-worth was not a stab at her self-esteem. It was
my stubborn conscience trying to clue me in on how I
feel about Donna. As they say, jealousy is usually
the first one to rear its head before any other
passionate emotion.

"Josh," CJ interrupts my thoughts. "Can I turn your
radio on?

"Sure," I tell her.

Music is good. Definitely good. Music might help
keep my focus for a while. Because this whole Donna
thing threw me for a loop. It still does.

Maybe I should thank Joey for it. After all, her
comment about Donna and misdirection did direct me
after all into this conclusion. Not that Donna likes
me. No. Apparently, my conscience took that as a
sign that it was high time for me to know how I feel
about her exactly.

Don't get me wrong. Donnatella is a fantastic person.

She's smart. Charming. Witty. Intelligent. Fast.
Lovely. Pretty. Adorable. Sexy..

Okay, Lyman. Focus.

But the thing is that she's my assistant. Don't shake
your head at me. I don't care if Leo or POTUS would
approve. I know that CJ could spin gold from straw.
Yes, even Grumpy would give me thumbs-up on this.
It's still an impropriety.

How?

Inter-office dating. I know that the White House is
exempt from all of those rules. I myself told
Donnatella that. What's your point? The public is
still going to portray this as a tawdry affair, and
Donna deserves better than that. I'll be no better
than those gomers she dates.

Trust the public? Ha! The same public who still
believes that women and men should be subjected into a
double standard. The same public who thinks that
abortion is an issue of killing babies, not of a
woman's choice. The same public who thinks that
people should be discriminated against because of
their diversity from the public's notion of the
perfect person.

How could I put so little faith into the public?
Because I am a politician. I have seen how the people
can tear a person apart and put so much apathy into
it. As I said, Donna doesn't deserve that sort of
treatment.

Why are you looking so disappointed? It's reality.
Give love a chance? Are you nuts? Fine, fine. Give
me a reason why I should give this a fighting chance.

People can relate to love. It's that simple? Laugh.
Fine, fine. I believe you. I know they do. I do
trust them, but sometimes..

Fine, fine.

"Josh?" CJ calls to me.

"Yes?"

"Why are you laughing?" she looks at me inquisitively.

"I just thought of something funny," I answer her.
She nods, still half-believing me, but she goes back
to her work.

After thinking for a moment, I speak again. "Hey,
CJ."

She looks up. "I have to tell you something."
******
She comes into the bullpen as I figured she would.
The same disappointed, disheartened look. The same
slump on her shoulders. The same slamming of her
purse into her seat.

"Hey, Donna," I call out to her as I lean on my
doorway.

She steps back as she grabs her chest. "Josh!" she
almost screams. "You scared me."

"Sorry," I offer, to which she nods. "Back so soon?"

"Just another gomer," she fakes a laugh. I step off
my doorway and walk towards her.

"Sorry," I tell her.

Which warrants me an incredulous look from her. "No
'self-worth' speech this time?" she sarcastically
throws at me.

"No," I say softly as I stand almost face-to-face with
her.

"Why not?"

"Because I realized that it's not your fault after
all," I smile sheepishly.

She laughs.

"After all, you have snagged the biggest gomer of them
all," I finally blurt out.

That's when she stares at me. Eyes wide and mouth
open. The same look that makes my heart skip beats
all this time. Only I did not realize it until now.

"What..uh.." she stammers. Before she could say
anything, I cover her lips with mine. And as my kiss
deepens, requited, the feeling comes rushing in
enormous amounts that I fear my body would
spontaneously combust at any time. Somehow someway, I
have a feeling that she feels the same way.

"Josh," she finally pushes me slightly away as we both
emerge for air. "What about.."

I place a finger on her lips. "Just trust the people.
They can relate to love," I tell her. She smiles as
she nods knowingly. She inches closer, and a move
from me eliminates any distance between us.

So I'm in love with Donna Moss. She's in love with
me, too, I find out later. As for the public, my
fate, Donna's fate..our fate is in their hands, but we
find that no matter how they see it, it is not so
important as us being together.

It's all thanks to you. By the way, I never caught
your name.

Conscience.

Well, thanks, Conscience.

FIN