Author: Michelle K. (CageyGrl@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG

Summary: Josh realizes his true feelings for Donna.

Notes: Written in Josh's POV. If Donna doesn't want
Josh, I'll take him. :-) Bradley Whitford should have
gotten an Emmy nomination. That's about it.

Disclaimer: Characters from "The West Wing" don't
belong to me. Instead, they are the sole property of
Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No
copyright infringement is intended and I am making no
money from this story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've begun to realize that I might be in love with
Donna. I don't know when it happened. I just know that
when I think about her, I feel happy. Not just
content-happy, but moronic-smile-on-my-face-happy.

There are just so many things about her that I adore.
Her smile, her laugh, even the way she holds a folder.
Not to mention her beauty, her intelligence...

"Josh!" Toby's irritated voice exclaims, snapping me
back into reality.

"What?" I say, confused.

"You have a dumb grin on your face. It's irritating."
He pauses for a moment and stares at me. I'm fairly
certain I lose my smile now. "You weren't listening to
me, were you?"

"Uh...uh," I stammer. "Of course I was. You were
talking about that thing with the stuff."

He rolls his eyes. "You're an idiot, Josh," he says in
typical Toby fashion. Then he abruptly turns and walks
away.

I shrug. He could be right, in any case. I should try
to find out what he was talking about.

I begin to walk back to my office. Donna appears next
to me out of nowhere. I have no idea how she does
that.

"How are you doing today, Joshua?" she asks.

I love it when she calls me Joshua. "O.k., Donnatella.
But I think Toby hates me."

"You're just realizing that now?" she says, smiling.

I look over at her. God, she's incredible. "I'm just
realizing a lot of things..."

"Like what?" Donna asks, her voice interested.

"Um, nothing important," I say, deciding to change the
subject. "What time is my meeting with Senator Cone?"

"As I have told you many times, Joshua, your meeting
with Senator Cone is *tomorrow* at 1:30. Your schedule
for today is on my desk."

In a few seconds, we arrive at her desk outside my
office. She picks up the schedule and begins to list
my activities for the day.

And I can't help staring at her. This is another way I
can tell that I'm in love with Donna. My incessant
need to stare. And the more I stare, the more I want
to stare.

It's a vicious circle.

I find every part of her sexy. And not even the places
you would normally think. I could look for hours at
her forehead, her ankle, her...

"Why are you staring at my wrist?" Donna asks as she
eyes me suspiciously.

"What?" I say, feigning a mix of surprise and
innocence. "I wasn't."

"No, Josh, I can tell when I'm being stared at and I
got the distinct impression that you were staring at
my wrist."

"That's crazy." I have trouble coming up with an
answer, so I blurt out, "Why would I stare at your
wrist when your breasts are right there?"

She stares at me, shocked.

Damn it. I really know how to smooth talk the ladies.

Toby's right. I *am* an idiot.

"Look, Donna. I'm sorry," I begin.

She cuts me off. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Donna..."

"Just forget about it. Do you want to hear the rest of
your schedule or not?" she says crossly.

I hate for her to be angry with me, but I can't do
anything about it. If only there was a way to soothe
her, or to make sure she wasn't going to be angry with
me forever. I want to take her in my arms and hold
her. I want to comfort her, to kiss her, to tell her
she means the world to me. But I can't.

And this the moment I truly realize I love her: when
my heart aches at the thought of her hating me.

She's staring expectantly at me. "Well?"

I nod.

"At 12:30 you have lunch with Joey."

Lunch with Joey. I've spent so much time obsessing
about Donna, I'd forgotten all about it.

I'm not even sure how I feel about Joey. I like her,
sure, but it's not close to what I feel for Donna. Not
even close.

But, maybe I should try it with Joey. I *do* like
Joey, and sometimes its takes time for feelings to
develop. And I don't think Donna is going to fall for
me any time soon. So, I might as well go for it with
Joey.

She finishes reading me my schedule and sits down at
her desk. "You have some work to do, don't you?" she
inquires without turning around.

"Yeah...Toby wants me to do the stuff for the
thing..." I mumble as I retreat to the safety of my
office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of hours later....

Donna walks into my office. And for a moment, I feel
elated. She's forgiven me.

"Joey's here," she says testily, "for your lunch
appointment."

I can tell she's still angry, and the thought makes me
feel depressed.

But, she said Joey's here. I should be happy. A date
with a possible new girlfriend should outweigh the
anger of my secretary.

But it doesn't.

And it makes me want to get down on one knee and ask
Donna to marry me.

But I don't.

Instead, I put on my jacket and breeze past her. "See
you later, Donna."

Joey and Kenny are waiting outside. I try to act
normal. I smile broadly and try to forget about Donna.
"So," I say, "shall we?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the restaurant, I try to continue my normal act. I
quip, I debate, and I attempt to charm. I think I
succeed. Until....

"Are you okay?" Joey asks.

"Me? I'm fine. Why?" I say, trying to be nonchalant.

"You seem distracted."

"I do?" Is it that obvious? My normal act sucks.

"You do," Kenny pipes up.

I'd almost forgotten that another person was there.
"Is that your opinion or hers?"

"It seems to be mutual." Joey signs something to him.
"It definitely is."

They both stare at me expectantly. I'm not entirely
comfortable spilling my guts to one person, let alone
two. And I'm not even sure what I want to say. The
pressure is increasing exponentially by the second.

I try to give Kenny subtle hints to leave. They must
be too subtle, since Kenny's still sitting there
staring at me. First my normal acts bombs, now I
strike out with subtlety.

Joey signs something else and Kenny nods. "I have
to...go to the bathroom," he says as he gets up.

Joey and I stare at each other for what seems like an
eternity. What am I supposed to say? I think I'm
desperately in love with my assistant, but you'll do
for now because I'm too frightened to tell her how I
feel. I know that I can't make up a lame excuse. We've
been sitting in silence too long for her to buy it.

"You seem distracted," she says finally.

"I've had a lot of work," I say. I know it's not going
to fly even before I say it, but it's the first thing
I can think of.

"You always have a lot of work."

I shrug. "Well, I've been especially busy."

"Please be honest with me." She pauses. "It's someone
else, isn't it?"

I sit in shock for a moment. Does she read minds as
well as lips? "How did you know?" I ask. I might as
well discuss it with her since she seems to know
anyway.

"I see the way you look at her, Josh. When you can't
hear, you learn to observe people very closely." She
pauses and smiles. "People's little ways of
behaving...things they may not even notice
themselves...are much more honest than words anyway."

"Wait," I say, befuddled. "You know *who* it is?"

"Donna," she says simply.

God, she's good. "You know I care about you, Joey..."
I begin.

"I know. But you love her," she says. She doesn't seem
mad. She seems to understand.

I nod. It's the first time I've admitted it to someone
else. And it feels freeing. I smile. "I do. I love
her."

"I think she feels the same about you."

"You do?" I half wonder if she's screwing around with
me to get back at me. But I can tell from the look on
her face that she's sincere. Whether or not she's
right is another matter entirely.

"I do."

"I been keeping this to myself, you know, because I
was so afraid she didn't return my feelings." I pause.
"You probably think I should talk to her, don't you?"

"Of course."

"But what if she doesn't love me?" I say. "Then our
professional relationship, and our friendship will be
ruined."

"But what if she does love you and neither of you ever
said anything about it? What if the two of you give up
your chance for love? Wouldn't that be worse?"

I'm not exactly sure why she's so passionate about me
and Donna getting together, but I decide not to
question it. "Yes," I finally say. "It would."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the lunch goes well. Joey and I decide to
be friends, and we both are able to relax.

I return to the halls of the West Wing a little before
two.

Donna sidles up to me. "Hello, Joshua," she says
pleasantly.

My heart leaps. "You're not angry with me?"

"C'mon...if I stayed angry at you for every stupid
thing you said, I'd never talk to you again." She's
smiling as she says this. She *doesn't* hate me.

On the outside, I try to seem mildly pleased. On the
inside, I'm doing my happy dance.

I walk into my office and close the door, leaving
Donna outside at her desk. I think about what Joey
said. I realize that I have to tell Donna how I feel.
It's only fair - - to both of us. The only questions
now are when and how.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's now getting close to six. I've managed to delay
my planned declaration for a few hours...but I haven't
managed to stop thinking about it.

Donna...so perfect in so many ways. Even her
imperfections are flawless. If she loves me,
too...well, I can't think of anything more perfect.

"Josh!" Toby snaps. "You're not listening. Again!"

I look up lazily. "I was listening. You were talking
about the stuff with the thing."

"I'm never talking to you again," he says as he storms
out of my office. I believe him. And I don't blame
him.

Donna enters. "Toby hasn't killed you yet?"

"Not yet. But I think it's only a few hours until the
execution."

"Any requests for a last meal?"

You, I think to myself. I don't say it though. It's
not a good prelude to declaring your love. "Nothing in
particular."

"Do you have anything else for me to do?" Donna asks.
"Because, if you don't, I can go home, relax, make
some popcorn, and watch a tape of 'L.A.
Confidential,'" she continues excitedly. She's so
sweet when she's excited. "And dream how much better
it would look on DVD," she adds.

I smile. "Just one more thing," I say. "Could you
close the door?"

She does.

I get up from my chair and walk towards her, stopping
about a foot away. "I have to talk to you." I begin to
pace. I don't know why, but I can't help it.

"What are you doing?" Donna asks apprehensively.

"Pacing."

"I can see that. I guess my question should have been
'why'."

"I don't know."

"You're not going to fire me, are you?" she asks in a
frightened voice.

"No!" I exclaim too adamantly. "No," I repeat, calmer.
"You're much too important to...to me. I could never
fire you."

She sighs, relieved. "Then stop pacing. It can't be
that bad." She smiles, easing my nervousness.

Donna's right, of course. I stop pacing and move a few
inches closer to her. "Donna, you know how people
sometimes come to realize certain things...certain
truths...certain things they may have known
before...but they never really admitted to themselves
fully. And then, they do realize." I'm rambling.
Donna's staring at me. She probably thinks I'm insane
at this point. But I press on anyway. "Well,
Donnatella, I've begun to realize...that I'm in love
with you. I have been for a long time, maybe since the
first moment I saw you." I look her in the eyes,
trying to read her reaction. But I'm not quite sure
what she's thinking. "I love you."

It's silent for a moment.

"You're not kidding me, are you, Joshua?" she says in
a soft and shaky voice.

I'm surprised that she thinks I would joke about such
a thing. "Of course not, Donna. I love you. If you
don't feel the same way, I understand. But I had to
tell you."

A split second later, Donna has her arms around me and
is pulling me into a kiss. For a moment, I'm
surprised, but I return the kiss wholeheartedly. I had
no idea it would be this easy.

She pulls away for a minute. I can see tears are
forming in her eyes. "I love you too, Joshua. I always
have." She pauses and smiles. "Want to come home and
watch 'L.A. Confidential' with me?"

"In a little while," I answer as I pull her in for
another kiss.

THE END