And Still
by AJ
Notes: I would like to thank Chelle and DC for letting me bounce this idea
off of them. And to Jenn for reading the first little bit of it for me until
she wondered off into a state known as idle. DC, this fic is for you
::winks:: And, you know why. :)
Spoilers: None, just read.
Thousands of people live in this town
And I had to run into him
When I saw him there on that busy street
Those feelings came back again
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
He walked up to me, looked in my eyes
Some people believe that there is a thin line between friends and
lovers. Some say that friends make the best lovers, others would beg to
differ, arguing that there is a line between friends and lovers that you just
do not cross.
Sometimes that line is crossed. . .
Sometimes it is done accidentally, sometimes, on purpose. . .
For CJ and Toby, it was a little bit of both.
It was sometime after Toby's thing with Ann Stark that they started to
realize that they had feelings for each other. CJ came to that realization
first, though, knowing the reason she got so worked up over Toby's behavior,
was because she was in love with him. She'd known the man for years, and
they'd always been good friends. Many a time, people would see the way they
acted, and ponder if something existed between the two. Never, was there a
clear answer.
Toby's epiphany came after CJ's. He was trying to figure out exactly
why he had done what he did with Ann Stark. Why had he let himself be
twisted around her little finger? Was he really feeling romantic feelings
for her? Or, was he, unconsciously, trying to make a certain press secretary
jealous?
After much personal debate, Toby was able to whittle the answer down
to the last. He had always looked back on his years of friendship with CJ
with a certain curiosity. He'd never fully understood why they never tried
anything in the past. But, they hadn't. Until Ann Stark breezed into town,
that is.
It was then, that CJ and Toby both evaluated their feelings with each
other. And, it was then that they both took the initiative to go to the
other with those feelings. The two became a couple after that, and for a
long time, they were happy. But, happiness tends to fade if you neglect a
relationship. And, with both CJ and Toby putting in full days of work all
the time, that is what happened to their relationship. It was neglected, and
soon died, never having been taking to the next step: marriage.
They tried, for a while, to remain coworkers, but it was never a good
idea. That was soon made clear to both of them, and so, they went their
separate ways. CJ ended up putting in her resignation and working for the
Governor of California.
With CJ's job, she tended to stay in California, and Toby's kept him
wherever the President was. From time to time, that would take him to
California, and he would have to see her again. . .
And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still
This last time that Toby and CJ saw each other was no different for
her, but it was for him. CJ, standing there at the airport, watching the
president and all of her old co-workers step off of Air Force One, remembered
the times when Toby and she were happy. She liked those times. And, that's
when she began to realize that she was still in love with him.
He said how have you been
It's great to see you again
You're really a sight for sore eyes
I said I can't complain
Oh, I'm doing fine
We talked as the people rushed by
We laughed about old times and all we went through
That's when he hugged me and said I've missed you
To take two people who used to be lovers, and have them be brought
together again, strictly under working conditions, would be an odd thing, to
say the least. The fact that CJ knew she was still in love made it that much
weirder.
When Toby got off of Air Force One and saw her, he went over and said
hello, as did everyone else. He was polite enough. He complimented her,
said she was looking rather good. She blushed and returned the compliment.
For a few minutes, they stood there, talking as everyone else began to move
on. It was then, that Sam came over and informed Toby that they had to leave
for the hotel. And so Toby gave her a quick hug, said "I've missed you," and
then took off for his hotel room.
And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still
CJ stood there all alone, watching the presidential motorcade proceed
through the streets of her new hometown. But, unlike all other onlookers
such a sight would bring, CJ was not staring at it because one of the limos
was occupied by the President of the United States. No, her eyes were fixed
on it because of Toby Ziegler, the man she was growing to be more and more
certain she was still in love with. As she watched the limo disappear into
the beautiful purple and red Californian skies, CJ wondered why they weren't
able to keep their relationship in the state of bliss that it once was in.
That's when she walked up to him
He said this is my wife
I gave my best smile
But I was dying inside
He said we've gotta go now
It's getting late
It was so good to see you
Then they walked away
The next day, the President and the Governor of California had a
meeting, and they both brought their staffs with them. This, of course,
brought Toby and CJ together again, sitting in the same room. It was awkward
for the two of them, but for no one else.
When the meeting was over and they were all on their way back to their
offices at the State House, or to the hotel, a woman walked up to Toby and
locked her arm with his, giving him a quick, but sweet kiss hello.
CJ was taken back by this gesture and tried to keep her thoughts and
feelings in check. It was then that Toby turned to CJ and introduced her to
his wife. CJ blinked twice at the mention of the word wife. She had no
idea. She should have. . . Toby still holding such a high position in the
political world, but CJ didn't know.
She tried to smile her best smile, but she was dying inside. She just
discovered that she was still in love with this man, to come to find out that
he was now in love with another woman.
It wasn't long after she showed up, that Toby's wife was telling him
that it was time to go back to the hotel. Toby nodded and turned to CJ.
"CJ," he said. "It was really good to see you. It's nice to know that you
haven't changed. But, we've got to go now." Toby gave CJ another hug, and
softly kissed her on the cheek, then turned and walked the other way, holding
his wife's hand, their fingers interlocked.
And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still
CJ stood, yet again, watching Toby walk away. She tried to
rationalize the feelings she had been having for Toby. She tried to convince
herself that the reason she was thinking she was in love with Toby still was
because she was living in the past, and not the present. Rationalize all she
could, she could not get the aching feeling to leave her heart as she
whispered to herself, "I love you, still."
The End.