Disclaimers in Part One.
New Spoilers: for those of you who saw "The Leadership Breakfast" (and are
still laughing), we're going to pretend that this section happened before it,
so no new spoilers here if you haven't seen it yet - but the section after
next will probably start including the TLB spoilers. Just so you know.
Also - (okay, I said no spoilers, but I lied a little) - the Donna and Sam
interaction in this episode? Priceless!
When Donna returned home that night she found that the front steps of her
building had been thoroughly shoveled and then salted. She paused for a
moment, looking up at the landlord's window - the eighty-five-year-old
landlord's window - before heading inside and picking up the phone.
He had been home for about ten minutes, since he lived closer to the White
House than she did.
"You had someone salt my steps?" she said without preamble.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Josh -"
"Okay, I had the kid across the street do it."
Donna frowned, tucking the phone into her shoulder so she could make herself
a cup of tea. "The kid across the street."
"Yeah, you know, the kid. Blue hair, goes to the public high school."
"Joshua, how do you know my neighbors?"
He blushed on the other end, glad she couldn't see him. "I met him outside
the other day. He was out smoking when I left your apartment."
"So, you called a juvenile delinquent from the White House to get him to
shovel my steps?"
"He's not a delinquent, Donna."
"Nevertheless . . ."
"His name is Ryan."
She hopped from one foot to the other impatiently. "That's great, Josh."
"He's very nice."
"Right." She paused. "Anyway - thanks."
He paused as well. "You're welcome." He hesitated for a second before
asking, "Are you still sore?"
She stretched her back experimentally and winced. "Yeah, a little."
"You should put some ice or something."
"I kind of have a vendetta against ice at the moment," she cracked.
"Besides, where would I put it?"
He considered. "I don't know. I guess that would be a little awkward."
"I'll be fine," she said. "Stiff, but fine."
"I'm a little worried about the next time," he said.
She frowned into the receiver. Since when was he worried about - well,
anything that didn't concern him or the national security? "The next time?"
"Yeah, the next time the same thing happens and you get all banged up."
"Josh, I am not suing my eighty-five-year-old landlord."
"I don't think you should sue, no."
"I don't believe you even thought of it."
"I didn't, you did."
"Oh, and you weren't thinking of it?"
He considered this. "Okay, so I'm always thinking of it. But just a little."
"Lawyers."
"Hey."
"And since when did you get so - I don't know," she shifted the phone to her
other shoulder. "Protective?"
He shrugged. "I'm a guy, it's what I do."
"Whatever."
All of a sudden Josh said, "Oh, no."
"What?" Donna asked, alarmed.
"Um . . ." He shifted his weight nervously. "Donna, if I asked you to,
could you rehash what I've been saying to you since I picked up the phone?"
"What?"
"Just repeat back to me everything I've said. Only what I said."
She held the phone away from her ear and gave it a puzzled look. "Okay. You
mentioned meeting the delinquent when you left my apartment the other
morning, then you asked if I was still sore, you said some stuff about ice
only it would be awkward, then you said I shouldn't sue, you said you were
always thinking about litigation -"
"No," he interrupted with a painful look on his face. "I said I'm always
thinking about 'it.' Just 'it'."
"Okay," she replied, still not getting the problem. "Then I asked why you
were being protective and you said it's what guys do. Oh, and I left out the
part where you asked about next time."
"Uh-huh," he groaned.
"Josh, I don't get it."
"Well," he said, faking cheerfulness, "I'm not exactly alone here. Sam and
C.J. came over."
"Okay," she said slowly, still not understanding.
"And," he said, not taking his eyes off C.J.'s very interested and horrified
face, "It just occurred to me that my half of this conversation is going to
require some explaining." C.J. nodded at him, eyes wide.
"It is?" Donna asked. "Tell them I said hi."
"Donna says hi," he repeated weakly. "Think about it," he told Donna.
She thought about it. Then she burst out laughing. "Oops," she managed to
choke out.
"Yeah, they especially enjoyed the part about 'next time,' I think, and how
I'm always thinking about 'it'," Josh said, still looking at his friends.
"Well, have fun!" Donna said happily, hanging up the phone before he could
protest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Not a word," Josh commanded as he set down his briefcase the next morning.
Donna looked up from her desk. The corners of her mouth started to twitch.
"I didn't say a thing."
"You're laughing at me."
Her shoulders were starting to shake. "No, I'm not."
"You're laughing at your incredibly kind and considerate boss who got himself
into this position by looking out for your welfare."
"I'm really not," she insisted, about a half-second before she lost control
and had to cover her mouth with both hands while she bent double laughing.
He stalked back out into the bullpen and paced back and forth in front of
her. "That took a lot of explaining, you know."
"You're blaming this on me? I wasn't responsible for your remarks."
He stopped pacing and glared. "I'm sure there's a way I can blame this on
you. I just haven't thought of it yet."
She looked up and opened her mouth, then thought better of it. "So, they
bought it?"
He sighed dramatically. "It took some work."
"So you've managed to conceal our torrid affair for another day?"
"I'm telling you, there was effort involved." He saw the gleam in her eye
and got suspicious. "You're gleaming." This had to be bad. "I just failed
to deny that we were having a torrid affair, didn't I?"
Donna grinned. "Yes."
"And you said that, I'm guessing, because C.J.'s right behind me?"
"Yes."
He didn't turn and look. "So what you're saying is, I really should have
addressed the 'torrid affair' portion of that remark."
"Yeah, pretty much." She got up quickly and headed into his office, trying
to control her laughter. "I'll get your schedule. Hey, C.J."
He turned and grinned at his friend. "Hey there, C.J."
C.J. smacked him upside the head. From inside his office Donna heard him
grumble, "I swear, I am not sleeping with her! I'm not sleeping with
anyone!" She had to slam her hand over her mouth to cover a shriek of
laughter.
He stormed into the office a minute later, slamming the door hard behind him
and giving her a dangerous look.
"Hey," she said calmly.
"Not a word."
"Okay." She paused. "But under the circumstances, do you really think you
should have closed the door?" His panicked look almost started her off again.
"Give me my schedule."
"Okay. You have staff at eight -"
"How's your back?"
She stopped. "What?"
"Your back. Seriously, how is it?"
"It's fine."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure."
"'Cause you keep rubbing it."
"It hurts," she said calmly. "It's fine."
"Let me see."
"No."
"It's been a day, it should be healing, let me see."
"So C.J. can walk in here while you've got my shirt up? I don't think so."
"Donna -"
"And why all the concern all of a sudden?" she asked curiously.
"It's not all of a sudden."
She raised an eyebrow. "It really is, Josh. You're acting weird."
"I'm not acting weird."
"You're acting really weird."
"I'm not acting weird! I left your apartment without talking to you, the
next time I saw you you were hurt, I'm concerned, that's -"
"Josh," she interrupted. "Is this guilt? Is that what this is?"
"Guilt?"
"Because if you're thinking that I wouldn't have fallen if you'd stayed
longer, I'd like to remind you that it snowed twelve hours after you left my
apartment. I fell coming to work an entire day later."
"I know that."
"Then why are you freaking out on me here?"
He paused and finally shrugged.
She nodded. "Well stop. You have staff."
"You're okay?"
"Josh -"
"All right, all right." He hesitated with his hand on the door. "I did feel
guilty about leaving."
"We talked about this yesterday," she reminded him.
He nodded. "Yeah. I have staff."
"Yes you do."
He nodded one more time and left the office.
TBC