Archive: Sure, just let me know where.

Rating: PG

Synopsis: After the epiphany, Josh learns a little something about himself -- and women.

Series: This story is fifteenth in the 'Rocky Path' series. And this one's a little mushier than even I'm used to. Be warned. .

Series So Far:

Soft Light 1/4

By Lacy

"Hey." Sam is standing in my doorway putting his coat on when I look up from my papers.

"What's up?" I ask.

"I've been on the phone with members of the Leadership for most of the morning."

"And?"

"The confirmation's going to sail," he says. "We have nothing to worry about."

"You mean I have nothing to worry about. You're sure?"

"Yeah," he shrugs. "Prescher's a prime candidate. He's a moderate Democrat who's worked at the highest levels of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service for over fifteen years. He has a nonexistent criminal record, and a long history of faithful service to the nation." He pauses for a second. "Plus, it's the Department of the Interior, so nobody really cares."

"It's good to know I've been slaving over a confirmation that nobody's going to put any thought into. Did you finish the speech for the official announcement?"

"Toby is ripping it apart, as we speak," he announces. "Hey, I've been in since 5:30, and I really need to get out of here. I was thinking lunch, maybe. That is, if you don't have plans with, you know, Donna."

I check my crappy watch, surprised to note that it's already after one. "Donna!" I shout.

"Yes, Josh," she bounces into the room.

"What's my schedule look like for the rest of the day?"

"You and Leo are meeting with the Senate Majority Leader on the Hill at four."

"Okay. I'm going out with Sam."

"Be back no later then three," she reminds me. "Leo wants to be briefed before the meeting."

"Okay. I'm taking my cell," I tell her. "See you later."

****

Sam and I end up at a place we used to come to a lot, back when we had more time -- and no social lives. It's a sports bar with a subdued atmosphere. I know. Those are two things not usually associated with one another. Anyway, it's the middle of the afternoon, so it's fairly empty.

Two of the four televisions on the wall are set to ESPN and ESPN2, and the other two are set to CNN and C-SPAN -- only in D.C. I scope out the sports channels. Golf and field hockey.

Looks like Sam and I will have to amuse ourselves.

We grab a booth in the back, by the window, and pick through the menus as we wait for someone to take our order.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Sam asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, last time we talked about something other than the confirmation, you got into hot water with Donna."

"Sam?" I narrow my eyes at him. "Did you bring me to this bar to pump me for information about my love life?"

"Don't be ridiculous," he denies. "I'm just offering my services as a friend."

"Noted." I scan the restaurant and say nothing more. I can see out of the corner of my eye when Sam realizes that I'm not going to elaborate. He sighs and drops his head to the table.

"You're killing me, Josh."

I grin. It's so much fun to mess with him. "What's up, Sam?"

"You're my best friend--"

"You keep bringing that up."

"And you keep interrupting me every time I say it."

"Sorry," I apologize. "You were saying?"

"I'm not even going to say it again," he pouts, playing with the napkin on the table in front of him. "It's just that...."

"It's just that what?"

"You and Donna were always part of the team, you know?"

"And now we're not?"

"Well, yeah, but now it's like you've built this wall around yourselves and you won't let anybody else in. It's just that I've always known what's been going on in your life. The only thing we ever talk about anymore is work. You've become a colleague."

I understand what he's telling me. He's afraid that my relationship with Donna will cause our friendship to slip away. He's saying that I don't treat him like a friend anymore. We don't talk like we used to. He's right and I really should do something about it.

"Do you remember when you said that you always thought you would be the first one to settle down?" I ask.

"You bet," he perks up, sensing an entree into meaningful conversation.

"How did you picture it?"

"Me settling down?"

"Yeah. When you had a mental image of how your life would turn out, what did you see?"

"I don't know," he ponders. "I imagined a woman I could love for the rest of my life. Someone who drives me crazy and believes in me all at the same time. Someone I could never get tired of."

"That's Donna. For me, I mean."

"Well, clearly you have stolen my life," he says.

I laugh and he joins me. "What about kids?"

"Kids? Yeah, I've thought about kids. It's hard to think about it though, when you can't imagine with whom you'd be having them."

The waitress chooses this moment to set our glasses of water on the table and request our orders. We oblige her and wait for her to leave. As I watch her go, Sam has a sudden thought.

"Is Donna pregnant?" he asks.

"No," I say. Then I see a woman walk by the window with a stroller, a sleeping infant tucked safely inside. "They're everywhere, you know. It's like when you buy a white car, suddenly everybody else owns a white car. Once the thought enters your mind, it's all you can notice. Once you make a decision that you know will change the rest of your life, it's all you can think about."

"Uh," Sam drawls. "I have no idea where this conversation just went."

"Babies," I say.

"Babies?"

"Have you ever noticed that they're everywhere?"

"Babies?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they kind of have to be--"

"Donna and I were talking about our future the other night. She asked if I wanted to have children."

"And you said?"

"No," I reply. "I said no."

"You've only been dating for a month," Sam reminds me.

"We have history."

"Right," he says with complete understanding. To most people, I would have to elaborate on that sentence, but not with Sam. That's one of the good things about having a best friend. "You told her no?" he asks.

"I told her I hadn't really thought about it, but that I thought our lives were full enough without bringing children into it."

"I'm guessing she didn't like that much."

"You'd be correct."

"Another fight?"

"No," I clear my throat. "She told me how she felt. I told her I needed to think about it."

"So?"

"So I thought about it. All night long, I thought about it."

"Come to any conclusions?"

"I was watching her sleep, watching her breathe. I love her so much, Sam. I thought, 'How can I not want to have children with this woman? How can I not want to share that much experience with her?'" I look him in eye. "Shouldn't we want to experience as much as possible with each other?"

"I think that's what love is all about, Josh. What did you discover?"

"I discovered that I do."

Just then, the waitress delivers our order, interrupting us once again. We pull back from the table to allow her space to work. Sam looks at me as though, by keeping contact, he can bookmark our conversation. He picks right up when the waitress leaves.

"Want to have children?"

"Yeah, I do. With her. The things is, and I know that this is going to sound weird but, I saw her."

"Saw her do what?" he leans forward.

"No. I saw her. Our daughter."

"You saw yours and Donna's daughter?"

"Yeah. I had an epiphany, while I was watching her sleep."

"Your daughter," Sam infers.

"No, Donna."

"Okay, wait a minute, let me get this straight. While watching Donna sleep, you had an epiphany in which you saw yours and Donna's daughter?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Anyway, that's when I knew."

"Knew what?" Sam has this pained expression on his face like having this conversation with me is like pulling teeth.

"I knew that this was the woman I was supposed have children with. I can see our unborn children when I look her."

"Quoting Bryan Adams' lyrics, now?"

"I've totally gone soft. Do you think I'm losing my edge?"

"You can stand it," he shrugs, as he picks at the food on his plate. "You've got plenty of edge. You're edgy."

"Thanks," I say.

"When you start quoting Britney Spears, I'm going to have to plan an intervention. You know that, right?"

"I'm counting on it, Sam."

"Okay. So, did you tell Donna about your discovery?"

"Yeah."

"I bet she was thrilled." I cock my head to side, remembering that her reaction exhibited very little enthusiasm.

"She thought I needed more time to think about it."

"Really?" I chuckle at the expression of confusion on his face.

"I know how you feel. I was right where you are now, my friend. She was afraid that later I would regret saying I wanted to have kids."

"Do you think you will?"

"No. I saw her."

"That's right," he says. "You had an epiphany."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Not intentionally."

You'd better not be."

"I'm just trying to picture you having a religious experience. I'm not having much luck."

"That's exactly what is was -- a religious experience."

"I'm surprised God didn't smite you down."

"No, just sent me a message. Which was received loud and clear."

"So, you saw her."

"Yeah."

"What did she look like?"

"She was blonde with blue eyes, and alabaster skin with these rosy cheeks."

"Sounds like a little version of Donna. Are you sure you weren't imagining, maybe, a picture of Donna as a child."

"She had dimples," I say.

"Okay, that's not Donna."

"It's like she's there somewhere, already fully formed, just waiting in the wings, and she sent me a message to say 'hello'. I can't wait to meet her, Sam."

"You told Donna all this?"

"Not all of it, just that I'd seen her. Donna was a little too flustered to ask for details."

We finish our meals and pay the tab. I check my crappy timepiece and realize that I have to get back to the office, which is a fifteen minute walk.

TBC

****