By Lacy

I’m having one of those moments again. The ones where all activity on the molecular level comes to a screeching halt. This room could be a test chamber for zero degrees Kelvin. The only thing in the room that hasn’t stopped is my stomach, because it just did a back handspring.

"Josh?" Donna’s voice breaks through the haze.

"Yeah?" I croak.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah." The back of my throat is dry, and the word comes out like an arid whisper. I’ve gone weak in the knees and I can’t feel my hands.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I hear myself respond, although the answer was more automatic than anything else.

"Do you need to sit down?"

"Yeah." I seem to be a broken record stuck in a vocal rut.

With her hand on my elbow she leads me to the bed, and gives me a slight shove. It doesn’t take much for my knees to fold, and for me to drop onto bed.

"Breathe, Josh," she reminds me.

Oh, yeah. Air. I’m going to need some of that. I don’t realize how starved my lungs are until I actually suck in a breath. "Donna?" I ask without looking at her.

"Yes, Joshua."

"Just to be sure. Did you just say--?"

"Yes, Josh."

"Can you…you know…say it again? I just want to be positive. If that’s all right with you?"

"It’s fine." I look into her eyes this time because I want to be absolutely sure that I don’t miss a thing. "We’re having a baby," she says. A radiant smile spreads across her face. "Dad," she whispers.

I can’t speak. I am incapable of higher cortical functions at this moment. My jaw goes slack. "When did you decide?" I finally ask, when I regain the use of my facial muscles.

"Dr. Wilborn said that I made my decision a long time ago."

"And you couldn’t have put me out of my misery?"

"The doctor said I’ve always known what I wanted. But I didn’t accept the reality of it until last night."

"What else did the doctor talk about?" I've been dying to ask her -- dying to know, but my fear held me back. A part of me didn't want to know what they talked about.

"Lots of things."

"About the baby?"

"And about us. I needed to talk to someone who had a little distance. But someone who'd met you before. Everything she said to me really hit home."

"What did she say?"

"She said that it was okay to not feel ready, but that if I was thinking about terminating the pregnancy, then I needed to be absolutely sure. Doubt leads to guilt, Josh. That's what she told me."

"I always knew that woman was brilliant."

"She said we need to get things straight. I wanted to talk to you yesterday, but--"

"I turned into a cretin?"

"Pretty much."

"I was afraid," I confess. "You were so open to me, but I didn't know what strings were attached. I needed to know the strings."

"Let me tell you, walking into the study and closing the door? Not a good way to find out."

"I'm still new at this, Donna. I don't know all the rules."

"Nobody knows all the rules, Josh. But, for future reference, walking away usually doesn't help. I learned that lesson the hard way. I would think you're smart enough to learn from my mistakes."

"Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"About missing me?"

"God, yes," she sighs. "I think I forgave you a while ago -- maybe even that night. I just needed to deal with my anger, and the baby, which is still a total shock to me, before I could let you back in. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah."

"But I missed *you* Josh. Not the pretender that’s been trying to appease me for the last three weeks."

"I was only doing what–"

"I know, Josh. But listen to me. I took care of you once, and you’ve taken care of me. So now, sins are forgiven and all debts are repaid — complete amnesty. I want us to start again on equal ground. You don’t owe me anything, okay? Consider your penance finished. All I ask is that you be the Josh I fell in love with -- in all of his frustrating, arrogant, hostile glory.

"So that’s what yesterday was about? The raise?"

"Yeah. Well, partially. I would’ve taken the raise if you’d given in. But, I’m glad you didn’t."

"Oh."

"And when you pulled away from me yesterday...I thought...well, I thought maybe I'd taken too long to decide."

"I would have waited forever, you know," I take her hand in mine, because it's been so long since I've allowed myself to touch her for no reason. "I just...I needed to know what you were going to do. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "I did keep you dangling, didn't I?"

"Over a razor's edge."

"I'm sorry, Josh. I knew what I wanted. I just didn't know that I knew. I needed to be sure that I was a capable."

"I think you're more than capable."

"Part of me was worried that you were only interested in the baby."

"Why would you think that?"

"Haunted by the words you said that night, I guess," she explains.

"Okay, let's clear this up right now," I stand from the bed, having regained the feeling in my legs. "I don't know what that was, Donna. Voices in my scrambled brain, or whatever. Here's the thing. I don't want anyone but you. I was wrong because I doubted you, but I never really believed that there could be anyone else for me. You have to know that. That whole Joey Lucas thing...I don't want her Donna. I want you. I can't imagine ever wanting anyone but you. I've made my choice and I've never been anything but happy with it."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Because I want you to understand that I'd say the same thing, baby or no baby."

"I got it. You're coming in loud and clear," she smiles. "Josh, when I came home yesterday and saw how worried you were, and when you admitted to checking the closets -- that's when I knew. And when I asked for a raise, and you said no, you were Josh again. My Josh. That's who I miss. When you were him again, for just a second, I thought 'everything's going to be okay'. So, even if we're not ready now, or even if we're scared to death, we can be okay, Josh. I thought, 'we can be good again'."

"I want to be good again, Donna."

"But we can't forget what happened. We have to be diligent so that it won't ever happen again. Because it's not just us anymore, Josh. We have bigger things to worry about. More precious things."

"Yeah," I whisper. "Precious things."

"Are you scared?"

Her brow furrows, and her blue eyes are crystal clear trepidation. "Terrified," I tell her.

"Me, too."

I lace her warm fingers in mine as I take her hand again. "I love you, Donna," I declare. "And as Leo likes to say, 'everything else is just crap'."

"Sweet talker," she admonishes with a quirky grin.

With her three inch heels and my still-bare feet, she's slightly taller than I am. Which puts her lips right about at eye level. They're red and luscious, and I am a starving man. She releases a throaty chuckle, and kicks off one heel and then the other, dropping her down to just the right height. The height I like.

"Joshua," she whispers wrapping her arms loosely around my neck. And then she touches her lips softly to mine.

It's like experiencing your first kiss for the second time. Sweet and unsure. We mesh perfectly as our lips linger, enjoying the sensation but making no demands. At last, my arms do what they've been begging to do for three weeks, two days, nine hours, and thirty-seven seconds -- enfold around her body. I tighten my embrace, pulling her closer, and her hands clutch at my back.

"Kiss me, Josh," she orders against my lips.

I give in to her demand, and the demands of my body, slipping my tongue inside of her waiting mouth. She groans, sending sweet vibrations to the pit of my stomach. Her tongue caresses mine, and I'm pretty sure it would be okay to die now.

I'm not sure exactly how, because my brain is focused only on her, and parts of my body, which shall remain nameless, but we end up the bed. She's sprawled atop me, as our kisses become more and more heated. As we re-familiarize ourselves with each other’s taste. She bites down playfully on my lower lip as her hand travels down my arm to mingle her fingers with mine.

I roll her over onto her back and tighten my fingers in hers. "I missed you, Donna," I confess to her. "Not just this. I missed all of you."

"I don't think we were ever meant to be apart, Josh."

"I second that."

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"As much as I hate to bring this up...we're going to be late if we don't leave in, like, thirty seconds."

"We'll have to pick this up later then," I smile.

"So you better hold that thought."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem."

"We'd better go," she prompts again.

I back up off the bed and reach out my hand for hers, pulling her up beside me.

"I'm all wrinkled," she pouts.

"It's okay," I console, kissing her on the forehead. "Everyone will be happy to see you wrinkled."

"Let's go run a country."

"Yes ma'am."

TBC

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