By Lacy

I watch Donna sleep from the chair Dr. Wilborn must have left beside her bed. Her eyes open, at last, and widen at the sight of me beside her bed.

"Josh?"

"There you go again, sounding like you were expecting someone else." I smile.

"Didn't I tell you to go to work?"

"Yes, and you were very convincing."

"So, why aren't you there?"

"I had something more important to deal with."

"Oh, Josh. Your meeting?"

"Would that be the meeting with 'the guy about the thing'? Canceled," I say. "Also, rescheduled."

"What am I going to do with you, Joshua?"

"Spend the rest of our lives keeping me in line? So, things went well with Dr. Wilborn, I heard."

"What did you hear?"

"She and I had a little chat. She wanted me to fill in some of the gaps."

"She told you?" I know that she is referring to her diagnosis.

"Yes," I answer, truthfully. "I'm supposed to make sure you don't forget to take your medication. She also told me that you're in love with me. I guess it's official, now that we have her professional opinion."

"She said that?" Donna's voice goes up in pitch as she becomes frantically worried.

"Relax, Donnatella. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Well, she did, but not the part about you being in love with me."

"I'm sorry, Josh. I tried to avoid the subject."

"So she said, but you can't fool Dr. Wilborn," I say. "She's like the Amazing Kreskin, that lady." She laughs, and I feel good because part of my job is done. Then, I know it is time to launch into the other part. In my long walk back from the cafeteria, and while waiting for Donna to wake, I managed to choreograph our next waltz. "It's time to get serious, Donna." I say. "Remember, earlier I said we'd talk because I had a lot of things to say?"

She nods, her eyes slipping shut for a moment before they open again. She has put on her game face. Steeled herself against what she thinks is to come.

"Don't do that, Donna," I warn. "Don't shut me out. I have some things to say and you're going to listen. Not only are you going to listen to me, for once, you're going to hear what I say."

"I'm not--" she defends.

"Listen," I say. "You knew something was wrong with you. You knew and you didn't tell me because...what were the words you used? Bother me. That's right. You didn't want to bother me. Do you want to know what bothers me? You know...you share your life with someone -- the most intimate details of who you are, and you think they're doing the same. What bothers me is that you weren't. You weren't there, Donna. I pulled you closer, but you held me at a distance. That's what bothers me."

"I'm sorry, Josh."

"I need you to be here, Donna." I indicate the both of us. "Can you understand that? I can't be the only one in this relationship."

She nods. "I'm sorr--"

"Don't apologize to me again, Donna. It's done, okay? I just want us to be who I thought we were. I need you to need me. Did you know that? Most of the time, I feel like you don't need me at all, you know? I mean...I know you love me, but you never need me, not really. Did it ever occur to you that I need you to need me?"

"No," she whispers.

"Well, think about it," I tell her. "Was this what you were afraid of, Donna? Were you afraid that if I knew about this, I wouldn't love you as much?

She nods, which makes me want to spend the rest of my life holding her. I place my hands on the sides of her face. I want her to see my eyes when I tell her.

"I love you, Donna," I say. "All of you. I love parts of you, you don't even know about. Parts of you, you don't even see. I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I know that, Donna." I reiterate the words for her benefit, "I know that."

Then, she releases the torrent of tears that she has been holding in. I take her in my arms, because it is where she belongs, and I hold her tightly to my chest. She cries herself out for a long time, until she pulls backs and wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"The rest of your life, huh?"

"You know me, I never could pass up a good challenge."

"Are we going to be okay, Josh?" she asks, quietly.

"We're going to better than okay, Donnatella. Why shoot for mediocrity?"

"Because mediocrity feels like a world away."

"We'll get there, Donna. I'm not going anywhere. You know why?"

"You love me?"

"Love you? I can't even breathe without you."

She falls into my arms again, and this time it feels different. This time, I understand, she finally feels welcome there.

****

I have Donna all to myself for a whole hour before a rap on the door grabs out attention.

"Come in," I call.

The door flies open and standing on the other side of it is a very frantic looking CJ Cregg.

"Hi there, Donna," she says. "How're you feeling?"

"Better," she answers. "Thanks, CJ."

CJ has brought flowers and a teddy bear.

"Damn," I say. "I knew I forgot something."

She sets the flowers in the rolling food tray beside Donna's bed. "These are from...everybody." CJ meets my eyes and I know that she did not come here just to see Donna.

Donna is equally quick on the uptake. "What is it, CJ?" she asks, before I have a chance.

"Josh?" CJ motions toward the door.

"CJ," Donna says. "What is it?"

"Donna, I don't think--"

"What's going on? Josh, don't leave me out of this. Does this have anything to do with me?" she turns to CJ.

CJ looks trapped.

I study Donna to decide if she is ready for whatever CJ wants to tell me. I do not move from my chair, but instead say, "What's the problem?"

CJ sighs and looks again at Donna. "There's a guy from USA Today sniffing around."

"So?"

"He said he talked to a maitre 'd at a Thai restaurant in Alexandria that says he can confirm that you were there last night, having a romantic dinner with your assistant. What do you have to say to that, Joshua?"

Donna tenses beside me. I smile and respond, "I'd say we won't be patronizing that restaurant, again."

"Josh!" CJ admonishes me.

"More importantly, CJ, what did you say?"

"I said I had no information on your personal life."

"Well, that'll just make him dig harder."

"Tell me something I don't know. But, you wouldn't give me anything to go on, so I was left very few options."

"How about, 'Yes, Josh Lyman was having a romantic dinner with his beautiful assistant, with whom he is very much in love?" I ask. Then wait for the imminent explosion. Donna gasps.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No."

"Are you kidding me?"

"You're not going to break the door down, are you?" I grin.

My grip on Donna's hand tightens as I look into her widened eyes. Her pupils have taken over the bright blue irises.

"CJ," I say, still looking at Donna. "We're not going to hide this anymore. It's not good for either of us."

"Do you have any idea--?"

"Yes, CJ. I'm familiar with what the ramifications could be."

"You could lose your job. Donna could lose her job."

"CJ, are you my friend?" I ask.

"Josh! What the hell are you talking about? Of course, I'm your friend."

"Donna and I love each other, but we also work well together. What so wrong with that? We fight for the rights of gay couples to have all the same rights as heterosexuals. The President, himself, says that we shouldn't legislate love. Why should Donna and I be any different?"

CJ's gaping mouth closes in a snap. "I...I--"

"CJ, I need to know if you're going to stand up with me on this. I need to know if you think this is a battle worth winning. Because, I do."

Silence fills the air as CJ looks from Donna to me and back to Donna again. "Donna?" she asks.

Donna looks like a deer caught in the headlights. She is shocked, unable to believe that I have said the things I have said. I am a little bit shocked myself, but for the first time in a long while, I feel like I am doing the right thing.

"Donna?" I ask to snap her out of her shell-shock.

"Josh?" is her only reply.

"C'mon, Donna. United front," I urge. "We can do this."

"We're doing this?" she questions. "We're really going to do this?"

"Just give me the word."

"I don't want this--us--to get you fired."

"Take a leap of faith, Donnatella. Tell me what YOU want. Tell me what you need."

"We can do this," she responds.

CJ considers for a fleeting moment. "What do you want me to do, Josh?" She steels herself, awaiting my instruction.

Dr. Wilborn's words from our lunch meeting replay themselves in my head, giving me an idea of where to begin.

"I need to speak with the President," I say.

"We can't leave Leo out of the loop on this, Josh. He'll be pissed." CJ reminds me. "You're blatantly jumping up the chain of command, here. You know that, right?

"The President first," I reply. "Then, Leo."

"Why the President?"

"What else? The Presidential Blessing."

"Oh, God. Am I going to have to listen to a speech on how Presidential Blessings aren't part of his Constitutional duties?"

"Let's hope not, Claudia Jean. Let's hope not."

"So, assuming the President gives you his blessing, what do you expect that to accomplish?" CJ asks.

"Well," I say, "if nothing else, I'm hoping he can smooth things over with Leo."

"Just for the sake of planning ahead...what do we do once Leo's on board?"

I smile, thinking of the magnificent Dr. Wilborn. "We tell the truth and trust the people to know what to do with it."

CJ looks sick to her stomach. I, on the other hand, have never felt better.

The End

****