Disclaimers and info in Part 1
Across the room, Josh was looking nervously at his watch. Ten-thirty
already. Actually, he supposed that meant it was really ten-forty-five.
See, he didn't need to get his watch fixed as long as he always remembered
that it was wrong. He was praying that he could make it through the night -
the first time he'd been around so many people since the Congressional
Christmas party - without having any episodes or flashbacks. Mostly he was
worried about midnight. The President and First Lady and her staff had
managed to arrange for this room to be fairly quiet (he had noticed, even
though no one mentioned it) but he knew that at midnight there would an
explosion of noise on which the Congressional party had nothing. And he
honestly had no idea how he might react.
Well, only one way to find out. He glanced over at Donna, who was chatting
pleasantly with Sam. No need to interrupt her, plus. . . well, anyway, there
was no need. He turned to CJ, who looked deadly bored anyway. The guy from
Labor had turned out to be as big a trivia fan as the President and the two
of them were running down the history of New Year's celebrations in the West.
They were only on the Anglo-Saxons. Josh held out his hand.
"CJ?"
She looked at him oddly, as if the hand he was holding out had something
dangerous sitting in it.
"Dance with me?"
Her eyes narrowed and he could tell she was trying to ask without alerting
the Labor guy that there was a "situation." "Are you sure?"
His eyes flicked over to the stranger, but the President had him well
distracted. "No, but I thought now, when it's early and pretty calm, would
be a good time to find out."
She was nervous, he could tell that. For his part, despite that fact that he
knew they were only concerned about him he hated all the wondering eyes
watching him as he walked with CJ into the main ballroom. Of course, only
about eight of those pairs of eyes actually knew anything was wrong - the
others were only caught by the sight of a striking couple of fairly famous
people. It didn't really feel any different.
"Are you sure you shouldn't. . ."
They had made it through the doors and were standing just inside the
ballroom. Josh took a couple of deep breaths and strained, trying as always
to pick up the thin, whistling sound that had haunted his dreams and his
waking hours for months. . .
Nothing. He turned to CJ. "Am I sure I shouldn't what?"
She looked flustered. "I mean, if you're going to do this, wouldn't someone
else - Donna. . ."
He took her hand. "Donna's talking to Sam, I didn't want to bother her.
Besides, this is a social occasion, not a physical therapy session."
"But she'd know what to do -"
"You think she would?" he asked rhetorically. "She didn't know what to do
any more than the rest of you. That's why she went to Leo."
CJ frowned. "It's just that if something happens -"
"I don't think anything will happen. And if it does - well, we'll deal with
it then." He pulled her onto the crowded dance floor before either of them
could change their minds. She gave him a smile - a real one, not a nervous,
faked one - and they took up a comfortable dance position developed over
years of easy familiarity. They started to move cautiously at first in time
with the music, and then he squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring grin.
She relaxed and they began to dance more surely.
"What happened when you left the other night?" CJ asked hesitantly, not sure
if she should be bringing up this topic.
"What do you mean?"
"When Donna took you to the hospital."
He pretended to think for a moment. "Donna took me to the hospital."
She lightly slapped the shoulder she was holding. "You know what I mean."
His brow furrowed. "Not really, actually. Donna took me to the hospital.
They wrapped my hand up, but they couldn't stitch it because the cut was so
old. But it's fine now, see?" He squeezed her hand, and only then did she
notice that she was holding the injured one. "Then - I couldn't stay at my
place because of the window - or rather, Donna said I couldn't stay at my
place with a broken window - so I spent the night on her couch. End of
story."
CJ lifted an eyebrow.
"What?"
She grinned. "Oh, Josh."
"What?"
"She really takes care of you, doesn't she?"
A wisecrack came immediately to his lips, but he bit it back. "Yes, she
does."
"Do you have any idea why?" She had that tone - the tone she got when she
knew she was right about something and was waiting for someone else to catch
up. Toby had a different variation on it - which was fine, since they used
those tones mostly on each other anyway.
"She's my assistant," Josh replied, still confused but beginning to be
frightened by her tone.
"Uh-huh."
"What was that supposed to mean?"
CJ grinned. "Is it in the job description of an 'assistant' to babysit her
sick boss for three months? To actually go to his apartment day after day to
bring him food and do his laundry? To stay late whenever he has a meeting
just because he likes to talk to her when they're over? To hang out sprawled
on the bed in his hotel rooms?" At his horrified look she grinned even wider
and said, "Oh, yeah, everyone knows about that."
"Everyone knows about what?" he asked desperately.
"In LA? You left your door open. You know, the time when Donna had to come
and sit on the bed with you to give you your phone messages."
He really couldn't understand why he was blushing. "She's my assistant, for
crying out loud. And she was in there telling me to ask out another woman."
CJ let go of his shoulder to take his chin firmly in hand and pull his face
up to hers. "Josh. She may have been in a little bit of denial there, and
she may still be, and that's why she goes out sometimes with those guys who
make you crazy, but none of that means that she doesn't have a little crush
on you."
There were so many bad things in that speech that he couldn't pick one to
comment on. "What do you mean, those guys who make me crazy?"
"I heard all about your little outburst when we were in Portland."
"Donna told you -"
"Donna didn't tell me anything, your friend Matt Skinner did."
He started to blush again. Why was he blushing? It was Donna. Everybody
knew what his relationship with Donna was. "What did he tell you?"
"That you were insanely jealous of whatever poor unfortunate soul Donna had
just gone out with. That you said she had no future with him because you
said so. That you actually stopped dead in the middle of a conversation
about the Defense of Marriage Act to watch her leave the room and walk down
the hall."
"That was just. . ." What was that? He hadn't been thinking when he said
those horrible things to her - it was like a gut reaction. And he really
hadn't noticed himself watching her, but then Matt Skinner wasn't exactly a
gossip. If he'd thought to mention it to CJ, it must have happened.
Wow.
"I don't know why I did that," he admitted finally.
"I do."
He looked at her, surprised. "Enlighten me." Please.
She nodded. "Ever since the beginning, the entire chemistry of your working
relationship with Donna has been based on the fact that you gave her a chance
for which she is very grateful and the fact that you like to flirt with each
other - both of which," she said, over his protests, "are related, whether as
cause or effect, to the fact that she has a little crush on you. Come on.
Do Sam and Toby talk to their assistants the way you talk to Donna? Does
Leo?"
"Leo teases Margaret all the time."
"Not about philately." She pronounced it fast on purpose. He blushed
deeply. "Yeah, Donna did tell me about that one. Blushing like wildfire, by
the way, just like you're doing now."
"That was just -"
She waved away his protests. "Josh, would working with Donna be as much fun
if you didn't flirt with each other all the time?"
"Working with Donna is fun?"
She gave him a stern look.
"Okay, you're right - it wouldn't."
CJ rubbed his shoulder a little and her tone softened. "Look. You see what
she wants you to see. But you weren't out in the waiting room during your
surgery, or at work during the months you were recovering. When she found
out you were hurt - the look on her face - she wasn't saddened, or worried,
or - she looked like her life had fallen apart. And I think it had." Seeing
in his face that she had reached him, she continued. "Josh, there is no
doubt in my mind that Donna has a crush on you. Count the reasons yourself,
there are lots. The thing is, the shooting only intensified any feelings she
might have had, and where before it might not have been so intense, now it's
really easy for you to hurt her. You don't even have to do anything, it
hurts her enough that she's not as central in your life as you are in hers."
He nodded slowly. Sure. He could see that, sort of. After all, he was
always working and hanging out with Sam and CJ - sure. But whether that
meant that he was neglecting Donna - or that they had anything to neglect. . .
"I'm just afraid," CJ said gently, "that she's inevitably going to get hurt,
or that she's eventually going to stop waiting for you to notice her and turn
to someone else."
"What would be so bad about that?" he asked, but even he could hear the
emptiness in his tone.
"Do you hear yourself?" CJ asked. "You're thinking it would be good for her
to forget about you and get herself some nice guy her own age, right? But
that thought makes you crazy, doesn't it?"
Well. At least now he had a name and point of origin for that sinking
feeling in his stomach. "Yeah. It does."
She leaned her forehead against his for a moment in sympathy. "I don't know
what you're going to do, Josh. It's a sticky situation - she has some
feelings for you, I know you have some for her, but neither of you really
knows how deep they go, do you?" He could only shake his head. "Yeah. I
don't want to see either of you get hurt."
He tightened his arm around her waist. "I know. Thank you."
If he sounded a bit distracted, it was because he had caught sight of Donna
dancing with Sam, several couples behind CJ's back. They didn't see him.
They were deep in conversation, and as he watched, she laid her head
comfortably on Sam's shoulder and he pulled her closer. Josh bit his lip
thoughtfully.