Rating: I'll say PG just to be safe, but I don't expect much more
than G.

Spoilers: Pretty much everything up to "The Lame Duck Congress,"
although it'll rely heavily on "In Excelsis Deo," "The Midterms," "In
the Shadow of Two Gunmen," and . . . okay, you get the point.


Part I

Carol was beginning to be concerned. Another nasty thud had just
sounded from down the hall, and she knew that could not be good. She
cringed as yet another thud echoed dully against the walls.

"Carol?" Her boss, CJ Cregg, leaned her head out the door of her
office with a quizzical expression on her face. "Do you hear. . ."

"I hear it," Carol said, cringing again, "but I don't know what's
doing it."

"Sam!" CJ called as the young Deputy Communications Director passed
them. "Is there some sort of large animal loose down there?"

For a second Sam blushed furiously and gaped at the Press Secretary
in shock - then he realized she was talking about the banging in the
hall. "Well, not really large," he said lamely, trying to cover his
embarrassing misunderstanding. "Judging from the direction and
amplitude, I'd say Donna's hitting something."

"Something, or someone?" CJ muttered, concerned. All had not seemed
right lately in the office of the Deputy Chief of Staff. "Thanks,
Sam."

Before Sam could turn to leave he was corralled by another young
member of the White House staff. "I almost stopped by to visit Mr.
Lyman, but it sounded like someone was being murdered in his office,"
Ainsley Hayes drawled nervously.

"You're not in junior high; his name is Josh," Sam admonished
sarcastically. "And I think someone is being murdered in there."

"Should we. . .?" Ainsley gestured toward the war zone in question.

Carol's eyes widened. "Josh and Donna are having a fight and you
want to go in there?"

"Josh is having a fight with his assistant?" Ainsley asked at the
same time that CJ stammered, "What about Josh and Donna?"

Carol laughed at her boss's surprise. "Haven't you noticed how crazy
they've been lately? Josh keeps putting his foot in it and Donna's
been ready to explode for days."

"Oh," CJ sighed, relieved. "I thought you meant - another kind of
fight."

This time Sam and Ainsley wore almost identical expressions of shock.
"Are they. . . ?" Sam asked. Ainsley completed his sentence
nonverbally by pointing a finger toward Donna's desk, then to Josh's
office.

"No!" Carol exclaimed, laughing even harder. "Don't go starting
rumors now. Josh is just being Josh, and Donna's getting fed up. I
can understand that - I wouldn't want to be his assistant."

The faintest trace of a smile graced CJ's face. They didn't "bond"
often, but she always appreciated hearing that Carol liked her.

They all winced as another thump, louder than the others, pierced the
air. Sam straightened his tie, turned to CJ, and said seriously,
"Cover me, I'm going in."

CJ snickered. "Sure thing, Spanky."

Ignoring Ainsley's combination amused-horrified look, Sam turned and
stalked boldly into Josh's closed office.

The three remaining staffers froze. Dead silence ensued. No more
thuds.

Five minutes later Sam emerged grinning. "I fixed it," he said
happily.

"You what?" Carol asked skeptically.

He beamed at Ainsley. "I am, after all, the master."

She whacked him with a notebook. "I was just sucking up."

"Yeah, I know." He turned back to Carol and CJ and explained, "Donna
was not, in fact, beating the life out of Josh. She was beating his
computer, which apparently keeps freezing and eating files. Josh
isn't even there. This does not, of course, excuse him from bearing
the blame for the fact that his computer is old, his files aren't
backed up, he's not here, his assistant is working on a Friday night,
and there still isn't peace in the Middle East." Ainsley still
looked a little worried, but CJ reassured her, "That's just Donna.
You haven't really gotten to know her yet."

"Hey, you guys, what's up?"

Four figures swiveled slowly to stare at Josh Lyman, walking calmly
toward them and apparently unaware that he was about to take his life
into his hands.

And a huge thud bounced off the walls.

"Damn, I thought I fixed that!" Sam exclaimed.

"Fixed what?" Josh asked curiously.

For some reason, probably force of habit, all eyes turned to CJ.
"Your computer," she managed to answer through her barely-concealed
amusement. "Donna's having some issues with your files, apparently."

"And she asked Sam?" Josh asked, looking oddly hurt.

"Well, no," Sam replied. "Actually I kind of busted in there 'cause
we thought she was killing you."

Josh winced and then heaved a huge sigh. "If I don't come back in an
hour, call the National Guard," he intoned, heading toward his own
door.

Ainsley watched him go, then turned to the other three. "You people
are truly odd," she said calmly.