Title: Back to School
Author: Jennifer
Summary: Donna heads back to school...with a little help from Josh.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I just like to have fun with them.
Please don't sue me. I have no money.
Random Thoughts: I had actually finished this story before we
discovered that Donna didn't have her degree. I made some changes and
now I think it works much better. (Can't have Donna getting a
master's before she's gotten her bachelor's.) Anyway, the problem
Donna has with one of her classes is something I've struggled with
for years. I know I'm not alone. Maybe some of you will relate to
this too. Feedback is always appreciated.
Back to School (1/7)
Josh headed into the Georgetown cafeteria for a cup of coffee on his
way off campus. Regretting his decision almost as soon as the bitter
coffee hit his lips, he turned to leave. But not before noticing
Donna sitting in the corner with her head bowed over a textbook.
Wondering what she was doing there, he wandered over to her table. He
caught a glimpse of a math textbook and various pieces of scratch
paper scattered on the table. Her hand was clenched around a
calculator, while a pencil was between her lips. However, she
didn't seem to be doing anything.
Josh placed his hands on the chair back opposite her. "Mind if I sit
down?"
Donna startled at the sound of Josh's voice. Her head whipped up
and she took the pencil out from between her lips. Josh saw tears
pooled in her eyes before she blinked them away.
"Josh? What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question, Donnatella."
Their eyes silently locked and a faint blush creeped up Donna neck.
With a sigh, she gestured to the seat opposite her. "Please sit
down." She gathered up several of the papers on Josh's side
of the table and stacked them on top of the open textbook. She
fidgeted with the calculator."What are you doing here, Josh?"
"I had dinner with Professor Kincaid. He wanted to thank me for
giving the presentation to his polysci class last semester."
"Oh," she replied, not meeting his eyes.
Josh knew all of Donna's moods. He could usually read them on her
face, but she'd never been unable to look him in the eye. This
confused and frightened him. He wasn't going to walk away without
knowing why she was crying over a math textbook in the Georgetown
cafeteria on a Tuesday night. He reached over and stopped her
restless taping on the calculator keypad. "Donna, are you
okay?"
She finally met his eyes, but moved her hand out from under his and
onto her lap. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"It's just that you're sitting in the Georgetown
cafeteria, all alone, crying over a math textbook." Deciding to
lighten themood, Josh added, "I know you're big on crying
over books. Like what was the name of that weepy girl book you tried to get me to
read? Prudence and something?"
Donna smiled. "It was Pride and Prejudice and it is not a weepy girl
book."
Happy to have found a topic she was warming to, Josh continued,
"Oh yeah, like aristocrats romping through the English countryside in search of true love makes for a hard-hitting action thriller."
"Better romping through the English countryside, than storming a
desert fortress in Lebanon like in that testosterone driven book you
forced me to read a few months ago," she retorted.
"Excuse me, but that book happened to be on the best sellers
list."
"Yes, but Pride and Prejudice is a classic and will be around a
great deal longer than your best seller."
"Only time will tell," said Josh with a smile, settling back
in his seat. This was more like it. Bantering with Donna made him
feel that all was right with the world. Plus, he had gotten a smile
out of her.
They settled into a comfortable silence. Donna turned her head and
looked out the picture window next to their table. It was dark out
and the window only reflected her and Josh's reflections back.
She let out a sigh.
"Donna?"
"Hmm?"
"You want to share?"
"Not really, but you'd find out sooner or later."
"What?" asked a perplexed Josh.
"I'm taking classes," she answered, ducking her head.
"You're back in school?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Don't sound so surprised Josh."
"I'm not surprised, Donna. I think it's great," he
said, getting another smile out of Donna. "Why didn't you
tell me?"
"Well it's not something I wanted anyone to know," she
replied, tears shimmering in her eyes again.
"Donna, why? It's great. What's wrong?" he asked,
reaching to place his hand against her arm.
"You'll think it's stupid."
"I'll think the fact you're taking classes is stupid?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"The fact I didn't want anyone to know about me taking
classes."
"Donna, I'm totally confused. Why would I or anyone else
think it was stupid that you're taking classes?"
Donna sighed and turned her head towards the window again. She
admired Josh as a boss and a friend and maybe as something more.
Lately she'd been thinking of him a lot as something more, but
with everything else going on in her life, she'd pushed the
thoughts aside. Plus, he was so intelligent. She'd always
wondered what he thought about her dropping out of school to be with Tom, or
as Josh called him, Dr. Free Ride.
"I really did not want to have this conversation with you, Josh.
You're practically the smartest person I know and…"
"Practically the smartest?" he cracked, trying to get another
smile out of her. When it failed, he tightened his hold on her arm
and moved his hand down to cover hers with his. He didn't even
realize he was holding her hand, so focused was he on the pain in the
face of the woman before him. "Know what, Donna?"
Donna turned back to him, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill
over now. In a quiet voice, she whispered, "I didn't want you
to know because I'm afraid I'd fail."
Before Josh could say another word, she went on. "I didn't
want you to know I was taking classes because I'm thinking about dropping
out. Again. I think I'm too old to go back to finish my degree."
"Donna, don't say that," he said, squeezing her hand.
"You're not too old. If you want to do this, then do it. I know you can."
Donna smiled weakly at him again. "Yeah, well I thought I could
too, but that was before I realized I had to take a math class."
"Why would that bother you? You deal with that stuff every
day."
Donna let out a sigh. "Joshua, I don't know if you noticed
this, but I can't add two numbers together without using a
calculator." She closed her eyes. "I work in the White House,
but sometimes I feel like not having my degree puts me at a
disadvantage."
Josh feared that he had somehow made Donna feel like her
contributions and intelligence weren't valuable. In fact, she was
vital to his survival in the west wing. Without her, he knew
he'd be lost in a disorganization of his own creation.
"Donna, you are qualified to work in the White House. Probably
over-qualified. Did I ever make you feel like you weren't doing
an outstanding job?"
She opened her eyes and the tears spilled over. "Josh, no. You
never did anything. This is my own stupid thing."
Keeping her hand locked in his, he reached into his suit pocket with
his other hand and gave her his handkerchief. "It's clean. I
swear."
A small smile danced over Donna's lips, but it didn't reach
her eyes. "You're going to think I'm completely losing my
mind when I tell you the other reason for not telling you about taking
classes." She dabbed at her eyes.
"I doubt that. I don't think you're insane now, so try
me."
Donna lowered her head and mumbled.
"What?"
She didn't raise her head, but she spoke clearer. "I have math
anxiety."
Josh would have laughed if he hadn't witnessed her tears. This
was so unlike the confident woman who ruled over him and his office.
She raised her head to look at him. "Scoff if you will, but
it's true. I freak out over math. I don't understand it at all. And I
can memorize formulas and equations until my dying day, but as soon as a
test is placed in front of me I forget everything."
"Donna. Did I look like I was scoffing?"
"No, but I'm sure you're thinking…," she started.
"Donna, how do you know what I'm thinking? I'm definitely not
thinking you're insane, or weak, or whatever else you're
thinking. Please don't assume that I would ever think about you
like that." He squeezed her hand. "Okay?"
Donna sniffled once. "Okay."
"Now let's go back to this math anxiety thing. Why didn't
you ask for help?"
"I have Josh. That's just it. Every tutor I've ever had,
from high school to college, has left me in a huff of frustration
because I just can't get it. And the more upset they got with me,
the more anxious I got. I've never got anything above a `C'
in any math class I've ever taken."
"Well, see you're not a failure. `F' is failure.
Quitting is failure. I don't hear you saying that you did any of those things."
Donna was about to respond, when Josh held up his other hand to stop
her. "Wait let me finish. I should have been clearer. Why
didn't you ask me for help?"
"Josh."
"No, I don't want to hear any of this `afraid to look
like a failure in my eyes' stuff. Donna I could never see you that way and you
know it. I know I don't have tons of free time, but if you'd
ask, I'd gladly give up watching infomercials at 2 a.m. to tutor
you."
She gave a slight smile, but the tears shimmering in her eyes
threatened to spill over again. "You would do that? You would
help me?" she asked her voice breaking.
"Of course I would. Why did you think you couldn't come to me
with this?" he asked lifting her other arm up with the
handkerchief to remind her to dab at her eyes.
"It's just this one pre-req calculus class and I thought I
could handle it. I really thought I was passed all this. I figured an
adult wouldn't respond to math the same way a teenager would, but
I've obviously blown that theory to shreds," she laughed
ruefully. Then she continued, only a little softer, "Then the class started
getting hard, and everyone seemed to be breezing right through it and
I thought it was too late in the semester to ask for help." She
risked a glance at him before turning towards the window.
"Donna. Stop it. I won't sit here and listen to you tear
yourself apart. It's not weak or stupid to ask for help. And,
I'd like to help," Josh said, releasing her hand to grasp her chin and
turn her towards him. "Do you want me to help you?"
Donna's eyes lit up for the first time since Josh had sat down.
"Really? You aren't too busy? You have so little free time as
it is."
Josh interrupted her, "Yes, I have little free time, but I can
assure you that tutoring you will be much more worthwhile than buying
knives off the TV at 2 a.m. Besides Donna, we're friends. I'd
liketo help."
Donna took a moment to ponder. "Josh, I'm not an easy person
to tutor in math. I get frustrated." She shook the handkerchief
at him."I cry easily. I'll probably beg you to stab me with a
pencil to put me out of my misery."
Josh laughed. "Haven't I so far resisted stabbing you with a
pencil at work when you drive me crazy? If that doesn't show
restraint and patience, I don't know what does."
Donna laughed, her eyes widened in mock horror. "What could I
possibly have done to you at work that would make you want to stab me
with a pencil?"
"Do you want the list in alphabetical or chronological
order?" retorted Josh, happy to see her relaxing.
Donna laughed again, but then quieted. "Josh, how are we going to
do this? I mean, you never know what your schedule is going to be
like. We live on opposite sides of town. I really don't want
anyone else to know about this…"
Josh interrupted her again. "Donna, we'll figure it out
later. Right now, I'm dying for a decent cup of coffee," as
he gestured to his now cold cup of cafeteria coffee, "and I think
you need to get out of here. Wanna go around the corner to the coffee
shop?"
Donna stared at Josh for a few seconds, as if weighing the pros and
cons of her answer. "Okay." Donna started to collect her
books and papers,stuffing things into her black backpack, which was
similar to the one Josh carried.
When she went to put on her coat, Josh gallantly took it from her and
held it out for her to slip on. Once she was safely wrapped in her
coat she turned. "Thank you Josh," she whispered.
"You're welcome," Josh whispered back as he took her hand
in his. Then he hoisted her backpack along with his own on his back
and steered her out of the cafeteria into the night.