But we divorced. That means something too. And she left. She went out
with that damn Oriole. And KD loves me, I know she does. She treats my Yankee
baseball bat with more respect than I do. More respect than me sometimes.
With a determined sigh, I climb out of the car and walk across the street. I
take a deep breath, climb the stairs and walk to the code pad I know so well.
I walk into the building and go to her door. I stare at it for a while,
thinking about what I'm going to say when I see her. What's my excuse for not
being there? Do I tell her about Andy? Do I just take her in my arms, hold
against the wall and take her lips in my own like there's no tomorrow? Is
there a tomorrow? Only if I take this chance, now. I step forward a little
more and ring the damn doorbell. A moment passes then I hear the clack of the
lock and the twist of the knob. Suddenly the door is open, and I see her,
standing in jeans that stick close to her frame and a t-shirt that is
attached to her tight enough to make me wilt. Her light brown hair is tied
back in a ponytail, but a few strands have fallen out and now linger across
the front of her face. She starts to smile and steps back.

"Toby. This is a switch." She said playfully. Oh, how long was it ago
that she appeared at my doorway, her eyes tearstained, pleading that I give
her sanctuary? Was that a beautiful night? I remember wanting to kiss her
that night, but I didn't. I remembering nuzzling the flesh of her neck,
enjoying the feel of her in my arms but not quite appreciating it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am tired. It has been a long day. I take the time to prepare myself a
hot toddy and now I lean back into the comfy black leather couch that I'd
allowed myself to buy not too many months ago. $125,000 may as well count for
something. I still have a ton of work to do, but I only plan on working until
two tonight, so I thought I'd spare myself a break before getting back to
cracking. I tip the glass back, allowing the warm liquid to caress my tongue.
Nothing could ever feel this good.

"This can't be legal." I murmur out loud, to no one in particular. The
liquid flows down my throat and spreading through my body, warming and
relaxing all the muscles I can feel. The lights are down low and the phone
has stopped ringing, finally. It's 30 minutes to midnight and sleep isn't on
my mind. Work is. But I'll enjoy this rest while it lasts. Doing so, I
snuggle into the couch even further and think about the day. It's been a long
one, and a hard one, and I need this. I need to relax. I need to forget about
all the trouble I've been caused today and just relax. I will solve the
problems I've been handed, and we will survive. If I never see that Brody
woman again, I will survive. I hear a soft, yet very urgent knock at my door.
With a growl, I stand up, place the glass on a coaster on my table then
walked to the door and whip it open. There stands the Brody woman.

"What are you doing here?" I snap, shocked that she would dare stand here
before me. I threatened to kill her today, and I will follow through on that
now that her precious president isn't here to protect her. KD winces and
sighs before looking nervously at her feet. I suddenly feel the slightest bit
. . . bad.

"To be honest, I don't know." She replies weakly. There goes that idea.

"In that case, good night." I retort before starting to close the door in
her face. I'm angry, but there will be no killing tonight.

"Mr. Ziegler." She exclaimd suddenly, a voice cracking in such
desperation that I can't help but stop my action and hold the door. She sighs
and frowns. I watch her intently, staring at her features.

"Yes?" I ask, getting impatient. She was evidently searching for the
right words, but I couldn't take it, standing here and watching her. I was
starting to realize that she was . . . beautiful . . . and that was unnerving.

"I know that . . . I know that you don't like me. You probably don't
trust me either . . . but if it means anything to you, I have . . . just had
an upsetting evening and I don't want to be alone . . . And strangely enough
. . . you're the only person I really trust; maybe because you don't like me
. . . You know I don't have a place to live, and I can't go back to the with
house . . . not now . . . so I was wondering, if just for tonight, I could
just sit on your couch or the floor of your kitchen and just . . . just feel
safer than I have in months . . . I understand if you say no but -" Suddenly,
I interrupted her with words softer than I intended.

"If I said no, I'd be the bad guy." I insist softly.

"Of course not. No one would even know I came here." KD replies softly,
half-heartedly, as if she knows I'm going to close this door in her face. I
stare at her another moment.

"I would." I retort. It's true. I wouldn't be able to live with the fact
that I'd sent her away into the night when she was obviously feeling so . . .
desparate? Was that the word for it? I sigh, step back and open the door a
little wider. "Come on in." I say to both our surprises. She smiles weakly
and steps in. I close the door behind her and turn to see her slowly trudge
into the living room.

"Thank you." Was all she would venture to say. I nod, moving behind her,
then away.

"I'm going to work some more and then I'm going to sleep. Make yourself
comfortable." I exclaim nervously as I trot down the hallway to my room,
which is also my office. I move into the room, sit at my desk and hold my
fingers over the keys of the black iBook. I try to think of some words to add
to my speech, but I can't. I find myself glancing back to the hallway that
leads to the room where KD now sits. What am I doing? Why did I let her in?
For crying out loud, I hate this woman, don't I? Goddamn it. With a sigh, I
stand up and lean out into the hallway, peering down its length towards the
light coming from the room at the end. I hear some papers rustling, then I
hear a sigh, a sigh filled with pain, and a sigh that is most definitely
hers. Slowly, quietly, I move down the hallway to the doorframe of the living
room and peer in. She's sitting on the couch I'd only just vacated, leaning
over a thin folder that I recognize, her fingers interlaced through her hair
and her shoulders drooped in resignation.

I watch her for a moment, curious. Her hair is back, but it's gentle, and
it rests against her body. Where there once was life, there's depression.
Where there was once an amount of energy, so much it annoyed the hell out of
me, now sat an old woman, lost in a cloud of despair. And I admit, I missed
what was there before. Suddenly, she throws the folder aside with a loud sob,
a sob full of pain, frustration, desperation and so many other emotions I
know too well. She sank her head into her lap and wept, crossing her arms
over her neck.

What is coming over me? Maybe it's pity, maybe it's something else, but
for some reason, I move into the room and straight across it to where my
small stereo system rests. With her head still down, she does not see me, and
instead, stares at the floor, wallowing in the darkness something had created
for her. I placed a CD into the player, Phil Collins, I think, I didn't
really look, and suddenly soft, upbeat music begins to stream out of the
various speakers around the room. I hear the words and I smirk a little. He
turned to see KD looking at him with tearstained eyes, surprise spread across
her gentle face. Playfully, which is strange because I'm rarely playful, but
then again, I do not know what's going on inside this head of mine, I dance
towards her. I move my feet and hold out my hand. She laughs and takes it,
allowing me to pull her up into the dance.

We dance. I hold her close. I want to kiss her, but I won't. I won't
dare. It's just the heat of this crazy whim of mine. But a slow dance comes
on, and we're so close, I nuzzle the soft flesh of her neck gently with my
nose, smelling her and inhaling her presence, feeling her energy. Don't I
hate this woman? Aren't I being a hypocrite by holding her in my arms?

And we danced for an hour. Me. Dancing. For an hour. Having fun. Me. Toby
Ziegler. Me . . . God, we danced to jazz, waltz, even some upbeat soft rock
type stuff. God, I hope the guys never know about this. Or do I? I'm
confusing myself and it stinks. But she feels good. For one night, I manage
to get alone with her, and I can't help but realize that the air is thick
with an attraction I want to deny. It's only physical, right? It's nearly
1:45am, and she's tired. I lay her down on the couch, where she insists on
sleeping, and I cover her with a blanket. I stand in the doorway a moment and
watch her drift to sleep. Then I sigh, shake my head, wonder what the hell
happened and I go to my room and to bed.

It is the next morning. KD is gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on in." KD's voice interrupts my thoughts. I've said nothing to her
and now she looks uncomfortable. I move into the apartment, looking about me,
but not at her. I hear her close the door and she moves past me towards the
kitchen. "Want something to drink?" She asks. "Coffee? Water? White wine?"
She listed as she pauses in the kitchen doorway. I stare at her frame as she
stands there, the light in the kitchen illuminating the border of her body
and reminding me briefly what caused that physical attraction months ago.

"Blood?" Her voice asks sharply, bringing my attention back to reality.
"Answer me please, Toby." She adds, a weak, almost desperate, smile spreading
across her face. I move forward.

"White wine sounds good." I say finally, speaking softly. "What's the
vintage?" I ask in an almost-whisper. She hesitates, looking at me, then
walks into the kitchen to the fridge.

"85. Chandler Chardonnay. It's all I've got that's cold." She announces
nervously. I nod my approval as I enter the kitchen, lean against the counter
and watch her silently. I've said very little only because I still don't know
what the hell I'm going to say to her. I don't know what I want to say to
her. She gets out two glasses and finds a bottle opener. Her fingers, slender
and graceful, take a hold of the opener and slowly pry open the bottle. I
can't take it any more. I move quickly across the floor and slip my arms
around her waist before pressing my lips to her neck. Her flesh is warm,
inviting. I can feel her smile, I can always feel it when she smiles, and she
starts to pour the wine.

"I missed you." I whisper gently into her ear. It's an honest statement.
I know what I want know. I just don't know what to say.

"I missed you too." She replies as we both watch the golden fluid dallop
into the glass. "I must admit, I was kind of surprised not to see you at the
airport today." She adds as she turns in my arms to face me and hands me a
glass. I take the glass from her and avoid looking into her eyes.

"I, uh, had some stuff to do. Extra work and that crap." I say
uncertainly as I bring the glass up to my nose and take a deep sniff. Wine
has to be smelled. She watches me, a confused haze in her eyes and smiles as
I take a sip after the smell wins my satisfaction. I look up to see her
taking a sip as well, and I wilt to think I've caused her any pain.

"Hmm. Sweet, dry, but lovable." She says before gently pressing her lips
against mine. I kiss back and then smile to show her that I understand that
she's talking about me, if even as well as the wine.

"Excellent in any case." I add, softly and playfully. She chuckles and
nods before taking another sip of the wine. Suddenly I realize that I've
moved forward a little, practically pinning her against the counter, and I
step back. Why did I step back? Because I'm nervous. I don't know what to say
to her, and I'm nervous. She frowns, sensing that there's something wrong.
I'm trapped now. What do I say?

"What's wrong, Toby?" She says quietly. "There's something you're not
telling me." She adds, looking uncertainly down at the glass she holds in her
hands. I sigh and place my glass on the counter. What do I say? She seems
almost hurt now, and it's my fault. I have to say something.

"The day you left, about two hours after your plane took off, my ex-wife
came to visit me and she asked me to escort her to a dinner. I reacted to
this and she admitted that she wanted to give our relationship another
chance." I exclaim softly. My confession is out, and I wait quietly. KD gulps
softly and nods, still looking down at the glass. My throat catches up as I
notice that her eyes are watering. She's near crying. Damn it. Did I say the
wrong thing?

"And what did you say?" She asks carefully in an almost-whisper.

"I said no, and told her to get out of my office, but-" I start trying to
explain.

"But the idea managed to get planted in there somewhere." KD interrupts
softly. I nod. I should have known. She knows me so well. She knows what I'm
thinking now. What I *was* thinking, but does she not see that I left that
behind?

"Yes." I say finally. I don't know what else to say. She nods weakly, as
if agreeing to something, but I don't know what. Perhaps she's just telling
herself that she's right, but when has she ever been wrong?

"So what are you going to do now? I mean, what do you want to do?" KD
asks weakly. "I just want whatever makes you happy, Toby." She adds. No, I
don't want to hear that from her. I don't want her to think for a moment that
I'd leave her. I take her glass and put it on the counter next to mine.
Shaking my head, I pull her into a tight grasp, clutching her close to my
body. God, she feels good in my arms. She snuggles into me, afraid to cry.

"Don't think for a moment that I'm going anywhere. This is my answer to
you and to her, the fact that I'm standing right here, right now. I love you,
Katy." I assure her in a longwinded, heartfelt speech. I don't even know
where it's all coming from but I know it's all true. She smiles and hugs me
tightly. Ecstatic to feel her touch again after two days, I hug her back, but
then she leans back. I look her in the eye and we smile at each other. I find
I've missed her smile. Our eyes lock and we share a hidden moment, exploring
the colors of our eyes. I lean forward and pull her lips into a strong kiss,
tangling my lips with hers and gently tracing her tongue with my own. She
moans a little, kissing back, and holds me tighter. Feeling adventurous, I
run my hands up her back and start pressing her back towards the counter
again. Suddenly, she pulls away from me, slightly flushed, and smiles
mischievously. I smirk in confusion.

"What?" I ask, wondering if this is her way of telling me I moved too
far. We've never moved to far, beyond a serious session of groping on the
couch. But what do we want anyway.

"I just got an idea." She replies and then moves out of my arms and out
of the room. I pause, still very confused and then I follow. I find her in
the living room, hovering over the stereo system. Music begins to stream out
of the speakers, reminding me once again of that glorious night. Was that the
night we fell in love, I sometimes wonder? She turns and faces me, playfully
dancing towards me. She moves her hips and sways her arms, moving seductively
to the soft beat. She moves closer to me, dancing this way with an alluring
smirk on her face. I stand where I am defiantly as she grows closer. She
reaches me and then begans to lean against my body, moving against my chest
and legs, standing back to me while she dances slowly against my body. I
stifle a groan and give in, spinning her into my arms and taking her across
the dance floor a la tango style. She giggles as I grow a mock serious look,
pulling her across the floor. I spin her again and pull her back, holding her
tight against my body.

We continue to dance, but I also can't take something else anymore. With
all the thought that I've given her lately, I can't stand to hold her close
and not feel her as much as I can. I slip a hand around her head, stringing
my fingers through her hair and pulling her into a tender kiss. She kisses
back as I move my hands to her back, up under her shirt to feel the tender
skin that covers her shoulder blades. My thumb gently strokes the small
indent that is her spine. I kiss her harder, thrusting my tongue into her
mouth and pulling her into the touch. I feel her arms wrap around my neck as
I tighten my grip around her waist and clutch her to my body. I admit, I'm
starting to feel warm. I let go of her lips to gently taste her lower lip
between my teeth, gently so not to hurt her. She moans at the massage and
leans into me, kissing me gently as I kiss her.

I move my right hand from the flesh of her back to the space between us
and carefully take one of the buttons of her blouse in my fingers, starting
to undo it. She pushes me back a little, slightly startled, and looks into my
eyes. KD. I want to scream her name. I open my mouth to whisper to her, we
don't have to do this, I don't want to pressure her, but she silences me
before I can speak, her tongue gently probing mine. Overjoyed, caught up,
whichever, I kiss her back and take as much of her as I can get. Her hands
move up over my chest to my shoulders and she begins to push my jacket off. I
take my arms off her for only a second to let my jacket fall to the floor
before I take her in my arms and start again on the task of the buttons of
her shirt. She smiles as she puts one hand around my neck and the other
starts fingering the buttons on my own shirt. I feel the hand on my neck pull
a little as she starts to back her way down the hallway, leading me with her.
And she pulls me away into the night, down the bedroom where we dance,
together, in a way different than we've ever done before.