"Deal me out." I say softly as the hand ends. I stand up and walk out of
the room, away from the poker table and into a smaller room, one with a
couch, a table and a few windows. Perfect for thinking space, right? I need
to think. I move to the window and stare out into the dark night. What do I
want? What do I need? I know what people *think* I need. I feel so different
now. One kiss. Well, more than one anyway, but one encounter, and I feel like
this. Behind me, I hear the door creak and the soft sound of feet moving in.

"Hey, are you okay?" KD's soft gentle voice asks as the door shuts
softly. I look into the window and see her reflection, see her leaning
against the door and watching me carefully, biting her lip as if she had so
much to say but not enough nerve to say it. KD Brody, lacking in nerve? Could
that even be possible? I don't know what to say to her though, so I say
nothing. How can I tell her that the truth is that I just don't *know* what I
want? How can I explain to her that it's been so long since I felt anything
like this, so I don't even know how it is that I *do* feel? Heh. Who'd of
thought Toby Ziegler would get this confused over a woman . . . Anyone. Women
are strange that way. I can see rain falling past the window, hitting the
cement ground with the loudest patters I've ever heard. There's a soft
rustling in the room. I turn about ten degrees to my left and see her
stopping at the small table in the center of the room. I turn back as she
leans against it.

"You're missing all the excitement in there. Jed's counting cards again.
Boy, do regret the day I taught him that." She says, a weak smile being
reflected in the window for me to see. I can't help but smile too, but I know
she doesn't see it. I watch her, my eyes absorbing every bit of the
reflection it can peruse. She sighs softly and glances back at the poker room
from where we came, then looks at me again, a soft look in her gentle eyes,
eyes that are sparkling once again. I try to ignore her face now. I have to
think about something else; I have to try and think straight, or at least,
straighter. I squint and try to separate one raindrop from another, and then
I relax. What's the point of this?

"I can tell you're thinking about something. I don't pretend to know what
it is. You've been kind of dark ever since . . ." She pauses. I know what
she's talking about. Her voice is very soft, and I can tell she's trying not
to get emotional. "I don't know if you want to talk about it, or even if you
will talk about it with me . . ." She starts again then pauses again. I would
talk about it with her if I knew what the hell to say. All I know is that a
few days ago, I felt her in my arms and it was one of the most wonderful
feelings I've had in a long time. What do I do with that feeling now? "I know
that something happened, but we're not really . . . officially anything. If
you regret what happened, you should tell me because I . . . Well, because I
don't know." She added resolutely, but I could tell from her tone of voice
that there was something else she was going to say. What was she going to say
that she decided better of? I take a deep breath and turn to face her. My
eyes catch hers, and they lock there. She returns the gaze, her eyes
sparkling with curiosity. I want her. I'm certain, for once in so long. I
want that feeling again. Slowly, I start moving towards her, my face begging
to smile but for some reason I hold it back a bit. Perhaps it comes across as
some little invisible smirk.

"I just thought maybe you'd like to talk about whatever it is." She says
slowly, keeping eye contact as I grow closer to her. I've felt determined in
my life before, but it feels like I haven't before now. "You don't have to,
but it might make you feel better . . . to get whatever it is off your
chest." She suggests softly, a soft smile appearing on her face as she keeps
eye contact with me and I grow still closer. I am two feet from her and still
moving. She smiles a little wider as I feel a mischievous spirit wash over
me. She must sense it.

"Hmm." I say thoughtfully, softly. "Might." I add tenderly. I'm torn. My
body is moving me slowly towards her, she's within my reach, yet my soul is
burning to run that last distance and press her down against the table. But
we can't go too fast. Fast can be sloppy, lead to mistakes, and I don't want
any mistakes this time around. She shifts in her stance against the table,
but keeps her eyes locked with mine.

"So do you want to talk about it?" She asks absentmindedly, as if trying
to cling to the topic but losing the battle. "I mean, I'd like to think we've
grown somewhat closer recently . . ." She trails off as I reach her. I nod
slowly as I slip my hands around her waist and slowly start pulling towards
me. She smiles yet wider and moves with the pull. I pull her closer and
closer until her body is pressed against mine and it's all I can do not to
press her back against that table. I slip one hand up into the tendrils of
her hair and pull her lips against mine. Such a soft, tender touch. The flesh
almost trembles under my touch, but she is more than definitely kissing me
back. My hand moves back to the crease of her shoulders as I clutch her
close, kissing her feverishly and tasting her tongue with my own. Somewhere
in the background, I hear what sounds like Josh's voice starting to ask us if
we're coming back, but the voice stops itself and disappears.

So I pull her towards the couch and lay her down against it. Go slow, I
tell myself, but still my hands feel safe as they clutch her body. I'm happy
now, kissing her fiercely, tasting her, feeling the warmth of her lips
against mine. Maybe I don't know what I want in the long run, but right now
I'm happy with what I've got. The problem is that this has to end. I'm not
about to do anything more with her with the entire White House Senior Staff
on the other side of the doors, probably listening as Josh tells them what
he's seen.

But who cares about that now? I'll think later. Right now, I just want to
enjoy the feel of her flesh pressing against mine, and I revel in the fact
that she's enjoying the feel of me here with her.