Title: A Mentor for Joanie Part 11/?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: We shift views and dive into Leo's subconscious to see what's goin' on and how he ends up in Joanie's "Gin Joint"

Note: Wow! Part 11, can you believe it? And its no where near being done1 Well, read on and send feed back to RoyalNeptune@aol.com : )

Dedication: To Sarah for the awesome feedback, to Erin for thinking I even remotely deserve to be on the same level as her as an author, and to Len for putting this up at her site. You rule!

A Mentor for Joanie Part 11: How A Genius Can Be an Idiot

I'm certifiably a genius.

I'm not saying that to be pompous or rude, it's the truth. I went to Princeton, graduated with a degree in Communications, then went on to Law School at Harvard University.

Yet with my IQ, my SAT scores, my wonderful resumeÖI can still be a f***ing idiot.

How, do you ask, am I reduced to a blabbering moron?

Easy, my problem is the same problem that have been plaguing fellow members of the "Y chromosome Club" since the dawn of time.

WomenÖwomen will be the death of me, I swear it. I don't mean any offense to the member of the opposite sex, in fact I enjoy them very much.

But why oh why must the single me out for torture?

My first serious relationship was with the librarian, Daisy. She was smart, she was pretty, she liked to readÖand Joanie hated her. Joanie never thought twice before telling me she was a geek, a dork, a bookworm. Like Joanie can talk? If it were up to her she'd live at Barnes and Noble!

So to make a long story even longer, Daisy and I broke up and I was in emotional ruin. It was around the same time Joanie and Kevinóthe jock ass hole ingrateóstarted to hit troubled waters as well. So naturally Joanie and Iówho were already as close as friends could getógot closer. When I found out Kevin had been cheating on her, I snapped.

Yes, I, Leo Tobias Seaborn, snapped.

Trust me, it doesn't happen often. The last time I blew up like that it was in High School and this jerk was making fun of Lori cause she slipped outside and got her school uniform dirty.

He got a black eye and I got suspended.

I actually remember clearly being dragged to the Principals office. Lori had cheered me on and she and Joanie told me I should "fight the power" and do a 'sit in" or something I the Principal's office.

I swear none of us had a normal child hood.

I was scared to death cause I was Leo Seaborn, I had a picture perfect record, and now I was being suspended. I expected my parents to have a fit.

Luckily, life gave me two wonderfully understanding parents who cheered me on for standing up for LoriÖbut that next time I should use words and not my fist.

It's a possibility that's when I decided to joint he debate team.

Anyway, back to my pointóI had a point?óafter a long, horribly long, depressing lack of love life after Daisy, along came Lana.

She's' pretty, she's funny, she's niceÖand Joanie hates her.

Gee, does anybody else see a pattern?

I swear to god that should have been my first clue that something was up, when Joanie repeatedly hated all my girlfriends. I guess I never thought twice about it cause she still dated guysÖand I hated all of them. So it was a bit of a two way street I must admit. But I never came out and called Kevin namesóeven though he is every name I could come up withólike Joanie did to Lana. It bugged me, I mean how could she insult someone she doesn't even know?

Lana's a funny, sweet, intelligent personÖwho I realize now is all-wrong for me.

Damn, double damn.

Just when life seems to decide to go easy on me and make me bump in to Lana, it throws me a curve ball.

I tried to ignore Joanie's obvious loathing for Lana. I figured she'd get over it.

Boy was I wrong.

Something I learned a long time ago is that Joanie is a stubborn pain in the assÖlike her father. She holds her ground and will hold a grudge for days, and she doesn't apologize. Ever. I swear, I'm usually the one making a peace offering with popcorn, mint chocolate chip and The American President.

So this time I didn't want to apologize. Joanie could hold her breath till she turned blue and passed out, I wasn't going to come crawling back.

Okay, so I lied.

It annoyed me, not being able to talk to Joanie, even not being able to hear her make horrible accusations about Lana. Anything!

So I tried to make usual conversation. But Joanieóbeing ever stubbornówouldn't have it. She left in a huff and went off to hell knows where. I assume she went to Carmen's for ice-cream cause that's where she goes when she's pissed. Then she'll take it to that park under that one tree we like so much and watch the kids play on the equipment.

God it really is scary how much I know about this woman

Anyway, she came back later on in the afternoon, packed up and said she was flying to HartfordÖwithout me.

WITHOUT ME!

You see, we never fly alone. Ever. The one time she flew to Notre Dame than to Connecticut alone was because I wasn't feeling up to a trip. Other then that we always fly together. So I was naturally I a little upset.

Okay, I was very upset. WellÖat least she wasn't moving out.

So I watched her turn around to leave, and then turn around again.

I really can't explain what happened after that. I never planned on kissing her; I have to tell you that right here.

But I didn't do anything to stop it either.

It was a great kiss, seriously, fire works. I know, dumb phrase, but all I can come up with.

And then she walkedóor ran, ratheróout the door like I was the devil or something.

And I did absolutely nothing to stop her.

See? Here's where the stupid part comes in.

I LET HERE RUN OUT THE DOOR!

I called after her, sure, but its not like I ran out of the apartment and down eight flights of stairs to catch her. I would have been pretty winded, but I still would have caught her.

Instead I let her run out.

I wish I had told her, though, that's the part that gets me. I wish I could have told her how I feel about her.

That I felt something in that kissÖsomething that's been missing in my relationships with women for a very long time.

That I can't live without her.

That I just need to talk to her, that I love the way we talk.

That I love her.

Yes, I admit that. I freely admit that, I am a man who is very in touch with my emotions.

I'm also a little drunk.

Just a little. I can hold my liquor pretty well.

If I give Joanie two she passes out on the floor, I can drink with the best of them and recite Shakespeare. And I haveÖmuch to Joanie and Lori's chagrin.

Actually right now I'm sitting in the dark, in my apartment, wallowing in self-pity.

I have absolutely nothing better to do, why not feel sorry for myself and finish it off with a black and tan?

Kennedy's curled up next to me, head on my lap. I'm petting him softly with one hand, and I must admit he has been a bit of a comfort while I beat my head against the wall today.

And to think I used to hate this dog. Well at least this has been a bonding experience for us.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I offer.

Kennedy looks at me, tilting his head.

"Yeah, you're right, I can't walk real well right now."

I don't care how well I hold alcohol, I can't think strait let alone walk strait.

And now I'm think I'm hearing knocking.

Oh wait that really is knocking. Someone's knocking on my door. Unless its Joanie I think I'm going to be disappointed.

I shuffleóyes, shuffle, can't walkóto my door and open it. It's Lana and she looks better than ever. Like a super model in all leatherÖand I don't care.

Why?

Cause she's not Joanie.

"Hey Leo," Lana smiles at me. "Listen I was wondering do you want to go out tonight?"
"Tonight" I ponder. "I'm kinda busy drowning my sorrows in alcoholÖmaybe tomorrow?"

I can not believe I said that. See idiot move number two. I'm on a roll!

Lana raises an eyebrow at me before saying, "LeoÖare you drunk?"

"Just a little," I shrug. "I can hold my liquorÖunlike Joanie. DamnÖJoanie."

"What about Joanie?' Lana asks.

"I want to stop thinking about her," I sigh. "But I can't."

God I must be drunkÖor maybe I'm just acting like I am? I want to be drunk but the beer doesn't seem to be working, may as well play it up.

"Why can't you stop thinking about her?"

"CauseÖ." I look Lana strait in the eye with my apologetic face on. "I think I love her."

To my surprise Lana doesn't look upset, in fact she looks happy for me.

Is she drunk too?

"Oh Leo that's so sweet," Lana says and gets that romantic gushy face Joanie always gets when we watch The American President. SeeÖonce again, all I can think about is Joanie.

Damn, damn DAMN!

"I guess,' I lean against the doorway. "But seeÖshe's in Hartford. And I'm obviously not. She left the apartment and I was an idiot and didn't follow her."

"But you wanted too?"
"Yeah."
"So you could tell her you loved her?"
"Yeah."

"Than Leo Seaborn, what the hell are you doing here?" Lana asks loudly.

"Ow, Lana, my earsÖ"

"You have to fly to Hartford!' Lana says. She busts into my apartment and grabs my phone before I can say anything to stop her. Not that I want to. She's wearing boots with heels that I can imagine could do quite a bit of damage.

"Yes I need the first flight on the red eye to Hartford," Lana says into the phone. 'Well, wait a sec." She turns to me. 'Leo what's your credit card number."
'You know, Joanie knows my credit card number by heart," I say, sitting down at the table.

"Never mind, I'll just use mine, you'll pay me back."

"ÖI think she used it to by this book off of Amazon.com."

So while I'm at the kitchen table, blathering like an idiot about the time Joanie bought Mist of Avalon on my credit card and Noah thought I bought it and made fun of me, Lana is booking me a seat on the red eye.

I got to hand it to Lana, she's smart and quick and can get me out of the door at record speed. She forced me into a suit I don't exactly likeóbut she said it was cuteóand shoved me into the back of her Ford.

I insist on bringing the dog. I don't know why, but I do. We bonded damn it. Kennedy sits with me in the back while Lana drives me to the airport in record speed. Of course it helped that it was pretty late at night and I think Lana has a bit of road rage.

Lana literally shoves me on the planeóI don't even have a suitcaseóshe also makes sure Kennedy's in a big enough crate and I make a mental note that I'll probably forget later that I should send her a nice thank you note.

I write nice thank you notes, thank you very much.

I sleep most of the way on the plane. I'm whipped out, really. I try to sober up on the plane since I really don't want to show up to sweep Joanie off her feet drunk as a doornail.

Wow the bad clichés just keep rolling in, don't they?

Once I land in Hartford I get Kennedy, find a Taxi and drive to Joanie's parent's place where I know she stays when she's in town.

Unfortunately I burst in on a meeting or something cause my parents were there too.

"Leo!' my mom says, smiling. 'What a surprise, when Joanie showed up we assumedó

"Yeah mom, speaking of Joanie, where is she?" I ask quickly. I'll talk to my mother later, this is important.

"Oh she went with the kids down to a bar in town," my father says.

"Bar? What Bar?" She's at a BAR?

"That place in the middle of town square, with the green and red awning?" my mother shrugs. "I can't remember the name."

"Okay, I have to go," I say and start to run out the door before realizing I am being rude. So I hand Josh Kennedy's leash and kiss my mother on the cheekóshut up all of youóand THEN dive out the door.

It's a good thing I had ordered my cab driver to wait or I would have been stranded.

But hell, at this point I would have run all the way to the bar.

Instead I'm blessed with a cab ride and tell the driverówho by now really thinks I'm crazyóto drive around until I see a green and red striped awning.

When I do spot the bar, I launch out of the cab and almost forget to pay.

Whoops.

I throw some money at the driver and yell at him to keep the change. I'm in a rush and I'm sure I'll regret that action later when I'm broke and stranded at this bar after Joanie yells at me again.

The door to the bar is this really big mahogany door that I have to shoulder to open. I'm not a small guy, but it takes a lot of effort and I'm starting to get dizzy from all the running around I've been doing.

So I'm surprised when the first thing that happens to me when I open the door is someone falls in to me.

I'm even more surprised when I see its Joanie.

She's drunk, remember she has a sensitive system, and looks up at me with glazed eyes. I can hear Time Goes Bye playing above me and I wonder why the hell that song would be playing at a dive like this.

"Oh of all the gin joints of all the world, you had to walk in to mine," Joanie slurs before passing out on top of me.

So now I'm stuck in a bar, the woman I love is passed out in my arms and I can't help but look like an idiot. I sigh and pick up Joanie into my arms to bring her home. She looks beautiful even when she's passed out and I smile at her and mutter, "this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

And I hopeÖmore than a friendship.

Cause I realize as I bring Joanie home to put her to bed that I'm really screwed.

Because I really love this woman.

TBC